Xmas time

Ho ho ho. I have almost no awareness of it being Christmas season. Largely this is due to my staying away from most retail establishments. I threw a big party that involved nothing remotely Xmasey except I did provide egg nog and candy canes since they were on sale and hey, those are good whenever you can get them.

I have been in such the funk. I am not keeping up with Greek and I suppose it will all be gone by the time the next quarter comes around. I have been sick pretty much since school let out and see no signs of recovering despite my best efforts to drink many fortified smoothies and veg out in front of the TV all day. Or today I tried going out for air but it's like 80 degrees in LA and that just feels wrong right now. At least in my house it's cool and dark. More wintry.

In the past when we've stayed here for Xmas I've gotten depressed. This year I've told my friends to call me because otherwise I may just forget the day. Which couldn't really happen: I'm singing a zillion services around that day so it's unlikely I'll lose track.

See here is the hard part. How does one observe Advent without completely cutting out Christmas? I have lost my interest in the season altogether instead of focusing on advent-y stuff. Which sucks for my friends and family because I'm putting no effort whatsoever into gift giving (although in the end they'll probably be pleased because I imagine I'll just visit the ATM in a panic on Dec. 24 and send cold hard cash). But again, there I go. Was getting into Christmas always about listening to music, eating certain food, having a party, decorating, exchanging gifts (or, for me, the sheer pleasure of choosing that perfect thing, spending hours shopping and wrapping, and finally the breathless anticipation of watching them open with glee)?

Will things change next week? Will I suddenly be flush with expectation of the coming of Christ?

This year, my theme verse for Advent has seemed to be Psalm 119:19. "I am a stranger here on earth."

You and me both, baby Jesus.