Tuesday, April 18, 2006

How to deal

How do you deal, as a Christian, with a bad situation in which you can see that things are quickly devolving, that it's not going to end well, and that there's nothing you can do to fix things because you're in over your head? How do you deal with a complete lack of grace and flexibility on the part of others? How do you handle stress that is beyond what you should have to deal with but you are committed to something that you believe in?

And then, you get yourself out of the situation. Out of the stress. Even gracefully. I tried to stay above it all, I tried hard to take the high ground. Oh, in another incarnation I'd have been such a bitch. I can answer bitch with bitch with the best of 'em.

But I bowed out as gracefully as I could because it seemed my very existence was demanding more than another could handle.

But you know what? I'm the one left with the tears and the disappointment, the hurt of rejection and the pain of something I've created being tossed away and not shared.

I know we all must prioritize. This is just the first time that something has gotten out of control. To where I couldn't fix it or make it better. I could only leave.

And they are happy I left, which hurts worst of all.

It's not so much the rejection or the nasty way it all fell apart. It's much more that I did have something I thought - and others thought, too - was worth sharing with the world. Now it goes away, as if it were never prepared.

J tells me I will save it and do it another time. Perhaps. But it will never be exactly the same. Art is never the same under new circumstances.

Hey, that reminds me of a good quote I heard today. I had the honor of joining a small group of students for a lunchtime discussion with Father Richard Rohr. And he quoted Einstein, saying, "No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that created it."

New consciousness, huh?

I guess the humility from Lent kicked in after all.

4 comments:

Marshall said...

"When life gives you lemons...." No, that's not right.

"When God closes a door...." No, that's not right, either.

"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." Better; but better still as understood by a teacher and supervisor I once had. In the hospital it isn't always clear that "all things work together for good." But he thought that by faith we could see "that in all things together God is working for the good for those who love God;" and in his view, for everybody else as well.

So, it doesn't take the pain away; and I certainly take the pain seriously. I still believe in all of it God is working to accomplish good, both for you, and for those others as well.

Tink said...

I have been wondering about this kind of thing in my own life. All I can come up with is this:
Forgiveness is bullshit without genuine offense.

The Feminarian said...

You rock, Tinkerbell. Sometime I will tell you the whole sad story.

jledmiston said...

I've had this conversation with several pastors this week. Is it some kind of post-Easter reality check? People waiting until after Easter to have their true selves revealed?

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with whatever you've been dealing with. Sometimes church people are among the most graceless.