What a freaking day

Note: This post was written Tuesday night. I'll include an update at the end.

What a freaking day. Yesterday I was in such a sweet little mood. Today just sucked. Well not until class started. Before that I had a pretty nice time doing my reading for patristic theology, which was all about stuff I’ve already studied (Didache) and then the letters of Ignatius of Antioch, which are all him looking forward to “fighting the wild beasts” in the forum at Rome. It’s really funny stuff – he’s all about “I hope they dispatch me in short order.” It’s also really well-written. I love his metaphors, even though he mixes them monstrously. I love his descriptions of false teaching, mixing Jesus into other religions “like poison mixed with honey and wine” that goes down smooth. Gee, sounds familiar. There is really nothing new under the sun.

But then I went to class and everything went kablooie. The 1 Corinthians thing just isn’t going to work. I could handle the class without anything else, or at least with slightly less, but I can’t put it in a schedule with Systematic Theology and Patristics. It just can’t happen. I already have 100 pages a week to read for the latter, and about the same for Sys Theo. I’m thinking I can handle an exegesis class if, like the 1 Peter I was in for one day, it’s mostly translation and not much in the way of reading, a couple papers, that sort of thing. But not only is he assigning enough verses for 6-8 hours of translating (I’m guessing, since I’m so rusty), but also 150-200 pages to read! It just can’t happen. Not with this internship, which has already made me stressed beyond belief. I can’t do it. I just can’t do it all.

I’m ridiculous. I can’t keep signing up for exegesis and dropping it. Although I’m pretty sure that the Greek is completely gone, so it doesn’t hurt to put it off for that reason any more. I can’t forget any more Greek than I already have. What a relief.

But I don’t want to drop Patristic – I really like it so far. I guess I could drop Systematics, but again, I like it. I was really interested in 1 Cor today, but to be honest I did already know most of what he was saying. Since I have written two intensive research papers on religion and meals that were primarily based on Corinth (since that’s our primary source for material on those topics in the Bible), I’ve read a lot of this stuff already. I’ve already written the final paper that I would want to write for this class. So maybe I should wait and take something else…something I could learn more about, broaden my biblical knowledge beyond specialization in one book (well, two – I feel like I know Revelation really well also). I emailed my fave NT prof, asking her if she’d teach something for me later in the year. Wouldn’t that be nice? J

I dunno. Maybe I can take Sys 1 as an online class. But that would have as much work, and the goal is to lessen the work. Hmmm. I think exegesis might have to go…again. Grr. I wish I could hack it. But I can’t. Not with the internship.

So pray for me. I have five options and I have to go see the financial aid people to see which I can do for the least troubling financial outcome.

So then I ran off to Systematics, and we’re going over the syllabus, and I pull out my cd from the bookstore with the syllabus (proud that I have a laptop so I don’t have to print it out anymore), and lo and behold the wrong class has been burned onto my cd! GRRR. Then I think I’m so smart because I can just go online and download it, right? Well despite the fact that I have a wireless connection showing with no trouble, I can’t get Explorer to work. Huh? I have no idea, nor does the guy next to me, why it won’t connect.

So I am the idiot stuck here without a syllabus while everybody else has one and the prof berates those who came unprepared. But I tried so hard to be prepared!! I am so annoyed. And I basically missed the entire discussion while I fucked around with the computer, so I’m already confused and behind. Not to mention quite, quite frustrated and stressed. Plus I’ve also been fighting with J all night b/c of the stress he’s under making us both pissy. Oh, I can feel it in my shoulders. Ow.

I’m going to hit the library at break and try to see what’s up with my wireless problem. Then tomorrow I’m going to go hit someone at the bookstore, whoever sold me this faulty cd.

I’m kidding. I’m a pacifist. I’ll just yell then turn the other cheek.

But anyway, to my five options.
#1 would be to just drop the class and take a smaller load. I think this is the smartest thing to do with my current schedule demands. And since I’m in no hurry to graduate and get a job (ewww!), that would be fine with me. Unfortunately, I think if I drop below full time, I lose my entire scholarship. And the difference wouldn’t be covered by the fewer tuition dollars – I’d owe about $500. Not great. So we have to pray that fin aid will pro-rate my money or something. If they won’t then this isn’t an option.
#2 is to take an online class instead, that will count for a requirement. I remember once reading that this also would kill my scholarship, though. So not great.
#3 & 4 are to take a different class, either a 2-week intensive in November (I know, adding something like that is a bit crazy, but it’s just 2 weeks…and it would be fascinating – it’s a class on Islam) or this low-key missions class I was previously considering that is supposed to be wicked boring but would probably be really easy. Especially because it’s largely based on blogging, and hey, what am I spending my other class periods doing?
#5 would be to stick with what I’ve got. Which I think I just have to do if 3 or 4 are full. But I’m hoping that won’t happen. If it does, then I guess that’s my sign to quit whining and get on with it.

By the way, with 3-5 I would keep my scholarship – and a full class load. Which is not ideal. I’d prefer to cut to part-time at this point in my studies. If they wouldn’t keep giving me all this stupid scholarship money! (and then take it away so easily…)

I do kind of look forward to some of the later exegesis stuff being offered. There are rumors of a class with Gordon Fee being offered…that would pretty much rock. I do enjoy learning from legends. And we have a new prof coming, a reconciliation-focused African-American woman who just did a dissertation on Paul. Sounds like a plan. Either one would be cool.

Well, class is about over, so I’d best pay attention. Pray for my money to come through so I can take school at a reasonable pace!

Update:

I dropped 1 Corinthians, and I feel great about the possibility of taking Fee or the other class in winter. I'm also really happy that I signed up for the Islam class. It looks like it will be extremely informative and interesting. I attended the Sacraments seminar today, and my heart did about break, because it's just so exactly what I want to be studying. But alas, I really can't afford to keep taking classes that don't count for my degree. I'm pretty sure I'm taking Mystical Theology in spring, so I must limit myself to one extra class a year. Each one, remember, is about $1000 that doesn't count for much except a full transcript and my happy edification. But the longer I'm in school, the more debt I acrue. I realize it's "just money", but I need to be a good steward all the same. And I will have far fewer options in life if I'm saddled forever with a giant debt.

So I'll just sit in that class, probably will do the work anyway since I'll find it interesting, but get no credit. Maybe I should pick up another degree. Think they'd let me pick up a PhD?