Hungry!!!

So I have now officially shopped for all the foods that they want me to eat on the diabetic diet. By the way, I should say that I'm not actually diabetic, at least not by any standards I can find save Kaiser's. And I'm not officially according to them, either, since they didn't do - and now won't do - the 3-hour glucose test on me. But I went ahead and did their nutrition class, at which they drummed into our heads repeatedly that we were all sick, and now I'm demoralized. Also, I have to stick myself and take my blood sugar readings every day, which only adds to the psychology of feeling like something's really wrong with me (on the plus side, it allows me a lot more control and say in this process - I can show them how normal I am every day and maybe they will take the hint).

Anyway, I'm on a very strict diet that, so far, has left me feeling tired, cranky, dizzy, hungry, and shaky most of the time. Pretty much all the things I was supposed to be feeling before the diet, when I was supposedly prone to bad sugar levels. Now they have put me, a person with probably normal insulin or just slightly not enough, on a full-on diabetic diet, and I think it's making my sugars drop so low that I'm actually getting sick. Craziness. My readings so far have been well in the normal range (yes, even below the Kaiser standards), and it makes me a bit sad. I mean, if only my fasting blood sugar had been 78 in the morning 2 weeks ago, like it was this morning (which was prior to any diet changes, mind you), none of this would have to be going on. Sigh.

Basically the diet just doesn't let me eat enough. I already ate the right kinds of foods before (save for my love of juice, which is strictly forbidden now, and is really bumming me out), but I have to eat much less of them now. Combining that with the hunger that came on a few weeks into my 2nd trimester, and the fact that I have been fortunate not to suffer heartburn or constipation so I could keep eating big meals, and it's just a big adjustment. Fortunately right around the time I feel like I'm dying I usually get to eat again. But that doesn't stop me being quite stressed and irritable between meals. Putting together a grocery list was completely miserable; shopping was worse. Everything has too many carbs in it; even whole wheat bread! I can eat like a half of a serving of most things, and since serving sizes tend to be pretty small anyway, I'm going nuts (I'd pick up a loaf of bread and announce, "Oh, I can have 1/4 of a slice! Great!"). I also had to buy brown pasta, which I'm sorry but that's just nasty, and lofat dairy, again with the nasty. My foodie sensibilities are deeply disturbed. God, why can't we all just live in France and eat cheese & baguettes??

And did you hear Mariah Carey now has more #1 singles than Elvis? The apocalypse is nigh.

The mantra in our house now is "two weeks, two weeks" because in that amount of time I get to go in for another blood test and prove that this is all ridiculous. Since I can test on my own, I'll be able to see what, if anything, makes my sugar spike and cut that out. My prayer is that I will pass the test, the doc will say I'm fine to go back to "normal" "healthy" pregnancy care, and I won't have to stick my poor sore finger anymore. And I will be left alone for the rest of the pregnancy!! I certainly won't start eating boxes of chocolate, and I probably will stay off the juice just to be on the safe side. But just to know that I'm not labeled, and I can maybe ease up a little on the strict diet, would help a lot. I already miss my morning cereal so much (no milk, fruit or cereal is allowed at breakfast, and my breakfast was always shredded wheat with fresh fruit or raisin bran).

I also wanted to update you on our moving situation. I had recently started to think that maybe it would be smarter to move before the baby comes. Lots of people were pointing out that it's obviously easier to move her with her inside me, and after birth I'll apparently be completely incapacitated for weeks or something like that. But I really think we just have to move after the baby is born. I know, I know, I'll be tired and sore and it will be harder in some ways. But if we move before the birth, it would have to be in the last two weeks before my due date (J's working until then; alternatively I could move without him...no, not gonna happen. I'm not going to be 8 hours from him when I could go into labor any time). Furthermore, with him still working, I would be doing ALL the moving by myself: taking trips up there to find a place, organizing and overseeing the move, handling all the utilities/bills/address change stuff, and, oh yeah, somewhere in there finding a new doctor for myself and a pediatrician and getting used to a new apartment and new part of the state while simultaneously walking into a new hospital for perhaps the first time when I'm in labor. No, I just don't think I can handle that.

But if we wait until after baby's born, then the scenario looks like this: everything I mentioned above is done by my dear husband, who is not working at all but has, as his full time job, taking care of me and getting us moved. He does the scouting trips, he handles all the moving arrangements, he probably even will be in charge of finding doctors and setting up our new life. My job will be to be with the baby at all times and take care of her. Period. Yes, it will be uncomfortable to drive up there post-labor (well, ride up there - J would drive, and we're already resigned to hiring movers for our tiny amount of stuff - donations for that are welcome, btw, ha ha). But we can stop a lot - heck, we can do it over two days if we want. And with the cats and the kid I think that taking it easy, instead of rushing rushing to get up there before going into labor, just makes a lot more sense. J is the one who has said, adamantly, that I will do nothing except take care of the baby. He is completely on top of everything else. And I know I can trust him to take care of housework & meals here, because he already mostly does, and to find a good new place, because he's always the one who chooses anyway (he has much stricter aesthetic standards than me). Yes, I just have to sit around my apartment and wait for him to say it's time to go, basically. Then I'll have a leisurely drive, and arrive in plenty of time to be acclimated before school starts. Then I will hand the baby-care duties over to J, and we'll see how things go from there.

I for one think that sounds like the only sane way to proceed!

Well I am going to sign off now and prepare my acceptance letter for GTU. I'm tired of waiting for the other school and my mind's made up. That's right: it's gonna be Berkeley, baby!!