Week 3

Gosh, next Tuesday my baby will be a month old. Wow! She's really developing so fast. She's incredibly strong - she's always rolling around and wiggling out of our arms, especially and unfortunately during diaper changes. When I burp her by sitting her, she doesn't flop over anymore - she sits up and looks at me, for a good few seconds. She holds her head up all the time, too. It's really amazing how strong she is - and from what we can tell, strong-willed.

I don't know when the "real" smiling is supposed to start, but I've said before that she's always been pretty smiley - in her sleep she even laughs these beautiful full-body laughs. Well today she was in her bassinet and I leaned down really close to her face and she broke out in a huge smile. So I don't care if that wasn't "real" - it was as real as this momma needed.

She's also in her 3 week growth spurt - her eating behavior completely changed and now she gulps voraciously and noisily. She's also a bit fussy but knowing that it's probably due to the growth, we can deal with it (she had a couple good days just before the spurt started, so I don't think she'll be colicky). Nursing continues to be a challenge off and on, but the biggest challenge is trusting myself. I have to put all the advice into the hopper, but in the end, I have to trust that I can read her cues. Every time it's hard it's because I'm trying to do something someone else said was right, instead of just following what has worked for us. It's most helpful when people remind me that I'm the mommy and that means I really do get to say what's best. Hey, I'm the one who gets smiles! (well John does too, and that's super sweet)

As for the move, it's moving forward, and it will be OK. I'm really looking forward to my house! And I realized last night there was absolutely no reason to be afraid of the PhD program -it's school, and I'm GREAT at school! John pointed this out too, reminding me that the scary hard challenge in my life is the baby, not the classes. If anything, school will be the thing that brings my confidence back, because I know I can do it and do it very well. So I feel good about that. It's absolutely something I'm gifted at and I think it will make me happier and more well-rounded, and maybe even more confident with the baby since I'll feel empowered overall.

Anyway those of you who pray for me, many thanks. I pray for me too, but more for Maggie, that she'll just find her happiness, and know that we will absolutely always love her and meet as many needs as we are capable of doing.

OK, momma doesn't get much time for leisure, so I'm off.