I can't deal with this right now. I'm in the 2nd to last week of classes. I can't take the blog world attacking me because I expressed my opinion. I will try to explain myself but I don't feel like any of you are listening to me at all. Just know that I am crying and despairing and thinking deeply over everything you are saying - and yes, I am taking every last word of it very, very personally. Because that is what I do. And because I care so so so so much about this!!!
You are breaking me. You really are. I want to care - I want to hold up standards. But when I do that I just get SHOT down so hard!! I get called names and made fun of and told that I'm doing bad things to people. I can't take this right now. You've got to lay off me.
God! People! Listen to what I am saying!!!!
I am saying that you should pray over communion. These people didn't pray. They did nothing to help us understand we were taking communion except tell us "Okay, you're taking communion now. Ready? Go!"
I am SURE that in your churches you do more than that!!!! Even with the crackers and plastic cups!!!!! I'm not saying the plastic cups or the juice were what invalidated the experience! But nobody will listen - you only hear what you want to hear and you misunderstand why I was upset!!!!
You have got to realize that I did communion a bad way for 20 years of my life. And yes, now I look back and I DO think it was cheap and fake and invalid. But my experience is not your experience. I admit I'm totally damaged because I sat through shitty communion for a long, long time, and I've only finally found a place where it is life-giving so I just have to refuse to give that up. I can't go back. I can't I can't I can't!!!!
But it was not because of the juice!!!! Or the cups!!!!! In my past life, communion sucked because it was private, it was sad, it was guilt-inducing. It wasn't about celebrating Jesus' victory. It was about mourning his death. We left Jesus on the cross at communion. Or even worse, perpetually heading towards it.
Can't you see that's bullshit??
But I don't care where you are at! Where any of you are at! It's fucking between you and God!!!
It is not my job to make you feel good about your church!!!!! It is not my job to validate every crappy experience people have!!!! If you feel terrible about your tradition then maybe it IS terrible. If you are leaving then maybe there's a good reason. There was a good reason I left.
But I don't care! I don't care if you are doing communion different than me!! But please please please please ALL I am asking is that you THINK about why and how you do it!!! I don't need you to do it the way my church does it - I just need you to KNOW what you are doing. Don't just accept what you are given. Have a reason. Know why you do it. Know the Bible and the history and in your own life KNOW that you will meet God there. I knew I couldn't meet God in that situation - not through bread and juice taken privately in a classroom setting with no prayer prayed over the elements or the people. I simply can't turn it on like that (gee, it's starting to sound like sex isn't it?). Well that's how it was. So I had a moment of just observing, and I comment on these things because I want people to pay attention to what they are doing. That's all! I want to SAVE people from the bad experiences I've had and so I BEG and I PLEAD for them to THINK about their symbols, signs, words, and gestures. Because God wants to be there so badly!!!
But I just don't know how much God can be there when we're so turned in on ourselves.
Can't one freaking person understand that it SUCKS to sit in a room with a bunch of people who are cheapening something that you hold so dear?? I sit there and they rape my liturgy and you tell me to suck it up, grow up, get over it, get off my high horse. You tell me I'm the bad guy because I want communion to mean something. I want it to be joyful and thankful and God! I want it to be about God!!!! I am so sick of it being about US and how we feel!! Why can't it be about GODDDDDDDDDD
Seriously, when you don't pray, when nobody calls and asks God to visit the occasion...even the prayer after was about the bread and the juice, it wasn't directed to God, it was about God, but it wasn't TO God.
You people are in my head and I can't sleep and I can't concentrate on anything because you're nagging nagging nagging me and you're SO FREAKING whiny! I'm sorry! It's late! I don't want to say mean things and I don't want to be the bitch. But I also just need you to take a step back and really try to see why I am saying what I'm saying.
Or at least just resist the urge to comment. Because I have got to get on with my life.
Post Script
All right. Look. Let me explain something.
This is the ivory tower side of me, that's been writing all this stuff. This is coming from a liturgical theologian who is dissecting every worship service she attends and has completely lost any innocence when it comes to church. I cannot do it without analyzing. That's simply been switched on in my brain and now it's part of what I do.
But those of you who seem hurt by what I've said...that's what is breaking my heart. Because I would never never ever say anything like this in a ministry context. This is not the way I am with my friends (except my liturgy geek friends but we make our living nitpicking) or definitely not with my church family or with the people to whom I minister.
This blog...this is a place where I've always been able to vent. And I needed to vent out the scholar side of me that just looked (objectively) at this pseudo-ritual and found many (objective) things that were saying something I don't think the organizers intended.
See, what the scholar worries about is how these things that are glaring to me but are not a big deal to other people - how will those things play in the congregation? What are they telling people? Are they telling them something true? Are they leading them towards encounter with God?
In the end, the scholar is motivated by the pastor. And the pastor's heart breaks. But the scholar cares just so so much because I know that in the end it does matter how we do these things. I know because I've been there when they were wrong and I know the damage that can be done.
But I guess I just wanted to come back on and tell you that this is not how people are in the churches. Definitely not at my church anyway. And this is not how I act with the Body of Christ. Sure, I see everything they do, right and wrong, and I'm constantly critical. But when I am at worship I try to drop all that (if I can't, it's not usually very good worship...case in point...well, we won't go back there). But I do wish people would be just a touch more critical of what they do in church. Just long to meet God a little more.
The scholar wants to crack the code that will lead to the inevitable God-meeting. Of course that is not possible. But it's the dream.
The pastor just wants to love people towards God.
And as much as it hurts me that you are saying these things to me...and that I have hurt you...in the end you don't have to like me. And I can't stop saying these things. Because I feel like I'm supposed to call you to better worship.
God wants to meet you so badly, don't you see?
Please don't settle for less than that.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Thursday, May 18, 2006
THIS IS NOT COMMUNION
OK, look out. The bitch is back.
Everyone around me is quietly privately ingesting these little shot glasses of grape juice (probably corn syrup) and eating this sweet bread (at least it's real bread). The lead-in to this was a presentation on a group project. This group had shared their testimonies with one another, and because they had communion (or something else, really, that used bread and juice and they called "communion") during their little group time, they thought we should have it all together during their report on their session.
Now I love the guy who is leading it. But he's deeply confused. You can't just stand up there, read 1 Cor 11, and then expect us to be in communion mode - not in a classroom, not in this setting. He says we use too many words so he won't, and I get that, but I also believe strongly that the particular words - or at least some action - of the Eucharist are special. If you just leave silence, you leave it to every individual person to retreat into herself or himself and create this private moment between Jesus and Me.
Then they passed around this sweet bread (dropping crumbs, which made me choke, but I guess it wasn't consecrated so who cares?) and shot glasses. I declined to partake. I found myself completely unable to reconcile my beliefs about this sacrament with what was happening before me. So I had to decline. I didn't even recognize what they were doing. It was a completely foreign ritual. It was not in almost any way (except reading the words of institution) related to what I understand Eucharist to be. I knew they thought it was. So I couldn't in good conscience affirm that.
Then the poor guy had to pray the thanksgiving afterwards. He got a little muddled (this is the problem with spontenaeity). At one point he actually said, "The bread cries out and the juice cries out...Christ has died Christ is risen Christ will come again" HUH?? Isn't that what the church cries out?! I'm freaking crying out!!
And again, how the hell is juice crying out?
But the shotglasses have to go. I look around and everyone is completely inside themselves. Eyes closed. Heads bowed. They could be completely alone and it would make no difference. They're not even serving their neighbor - they are pulling off their own piece of bread! Arrrrgggh!! The reason it pisses me off so much is that they do not respect the Eucharist. They're not ignorant - they choose to do it in this funereal, individualistic, life-sucking way. No wonder they do it once a month, if that! No wonder they'd rather throw it all out! It sucks this way!!
I got to have lunch with Robert Webber today, he of the Ancient-Future Faith series of books. One of the most prophetic voices towards worship renewal in the evangelical church for the last 30 years or so.
He's really not into this "experience" thing. All these people tonight are giving presentations about their warm & fuzzy experiences that made them feel "so close" to God. They think freaking communion is one of these things!! Unless they think it's the time to get down on yourself for being so bad. But usually it starts the latter and turns into a nice experience (when the quiet acoustic guitar starts up).
Bob said evangelicals say they "know, experience" God - what the heck are they talking about? These words are frequently used in phony ways. To only talk about a personal relationship with Jesus is so narcissistic! Bob thinks it's bull!
And it doesn't connect with reality. We're asking people to have silly experiences and giving creedence to it, and none of it is true. We're creating an escapism. Hey, this is him, not me. But I loved every word.
God never saves us because of what we believe or experience or understand. Can you grasp that? We cannot believe the right thing to save ourselves. We cannot respond or pray or experience or understand or even trust God - and thereby save ourselves.
God only saves us because there is one man who has done for us what we cannot do for ourselves. That is the only thing. We can trust what Jesus did. But that's not what saves us. What Jesus did is what saves us.
Bob said, "I'm not good at believing this, but I'm good at trusting in it. None of us are who we pretend to be. It's just good that there's one man who is what humanity ought to be and who is for us what we cannot be.... That is the very best possible good news."
To his students who can't believe anymore, he says so what? Who cares! Take a vacation from all this Christian stuff. Let the Church believe for you!!
Whew! How do you think J's Biola kids would take that??!
Here was Bob at his best: "I'm not good at all this Christian stuff....I'm not good enough - I don't pray, read the bible, witness, or get the warm fuzzies as much as you're supposed to....I don't feel it. What I am supposed to feel....I'm struggling with having faith in this kind of world; knowing there is more than the evangelicals tell me....I'm hanging on the cross with Jesus...and the only thing I know is there is a resurrection coming."
Amen.
Everyone around me is quietly privately ingesting these little shot glasses of grape juice (probably corn syrup) and eating this sweet bread (at least it's real bread). The lead-in to this was a presentation on a group project. This group had shared their testimonies with one another, and because they had communion (or something else, really, that used bread and juice and they called "communion") during their little group time, they thought we should have it all together during their report on their session.
Now I love the guy who is leading it. But he's deeply confused. You can't just stand up there, read 1 Cor 11, and then expect us to be in communion mode - not in a classroom, not in this setting. He says we use too many words so he won't, and I get that, but I also believe strongly that the particular words - or at least some action - of the Eucharist are special. If you just leave silence, you leave it to every individual person to retreat into herself or himself and create this private moment between Jesus and Me.
Then they passed around this sweet bread (dropping crumbs, which made me choke, but I guess it wasn't consecrated so who cares?) and shot glasses. I declined to partake. I found myself completely unable to reconcile my beliefs about this sacrament with what was happening before me. So I had to decline. I didn't even recognize what they were doing. It was a completely foreign ritual. It was not in almost any way (except reading the words of institution) related to what I understand Eucharist to be. I knew they thought it was. So I couldn't in good conscience affirm that.
Then the poor guy had to pray the thanksgiving afterwards. He got a little muddled (this is the problem with spontenaeity). At one point he actually said, "The bread cries out and the juice cries out...Christ has died Christ is risen Christ will come again" HUH?? Isn't that what the church cries out?! I'm freaking crying out!!
And again, how the hell is juice crying out?
But the shotglasses have to go. I look around and everyone is completely inside themselves. Eyes closed. Heads bowed. They could be completely alone and it would make no difference. They're not even serving their neighbor - they are pulling off their own piece of bread! Arrrrgggh!! The reason it pisses me off so much is that they do not respect the Eucharist. They're not ignorant - they choose to do it in this funereal, individualistic, life-sucking way. No wonder they do it once a month, if that! No wonder they'd rather throw it all out! It sucks this way!!
I got to have lunch with Robert Webber today, he of the Ancient-Future Faith series of books. One of the most prophetic voices towards worship renewal in the evangelical church for the last 30 years or so.
He's really not into this "experience" thing. All these people tonight are giving presentations about their warm & fuzzy experiences that made them feel "so close" to God. They think freaking communion is one of these things!! Unless they think it's the time to get down on yourself for being so bad. But usually it starts the latter and turns into a nice experience (when the quiet acoustic guitar starts up).
Bob said evangelicals say they "know, experience" God - what the heck are they talking about? These words are frequently used in phony ways. To only talk about a personal relationship with Jesus is so narcissistic! Bob thinks it's bull!
And it doesn't connect with reality. We're asking people to have silly experiences and giving creedence to it, and none of it is true. We're creating an escapism. Hey, this is him, not me. But I loved every word.
God never saves us because of what we believe or experience or understand. Can you grasp that? We cannot believe the right thing to save ourselves. We cannot respond or pray or experience or understand or even trust God - and thereby save ourselves.
God only saves us because there is one man who has done for us what we cannot do for ourselves. That is the only thing. We can trust what Jesus did. But that's not what saves us. What Jesus did is what saves us.
Bob said, "I'm not good at believing this, but I'm good at trusting in it. None of us are who we pretend to be. It's just good that there's one man who is what humanity ought to be and who is for us what we cannot be.... That is the very best possible good news."
To his students who can't believe anymore, he says so what? Who cares! Take a vacation from all this Christian stuff. Let the Church believe for you!!
Whew! How do you think J's Biola kids would take that??!
Here was Bob at his best: "I'm not good at all this Christian stuff....I'm not good enough - I don't pray, read the bible, witness, or get the warm fuzzies as much as you're supposed to....I don't feel it. What I am supposed to feel....I'm struggling with having faith in this kind of world; knowing there is more than the evangelicals tell me....I'm hanging on the cross with Jesus...and the only thing I know is there is a resurrection coming."
Amen.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Week 8
Hey, ya'll. I'm bored. I mean, I'm not lacking things to do. But I'm tired of my classes. As I always am at this time of the quarter. No, wait, I'm only tired of the one with all the busy work. Yeeuck. Jeanette, you tried to warn me, and now I'm paying for it. I'm supposed to write a 3-session curriculum. This in addition to a group project and a stupid busy work paper due every week of this stinking class! I'm really sick of all the work. The reading load isn't too bad, but the books are boring. It's all practical. And we won't even go into the lectures. Let's just say there's not much going on.
Yet I find myself talking to others about what I'm learning in that class more than any other. Probably because it's practical, applied stuff, so it's easy to relate to real life. How interested are other people, really, in the fineries of homiletical technique? Or in ancient-future worship patterns? Nope, that's stuff for us liturgy geeks (the latter I mean). So bleh.
But tomorrow we have a treat: Robert Webber is coming to have lunch with a group of us students, then Friday he's coming to my seminar class (because our class has been set up to test his theories about ancient-future stuff) so we can grill him. Then we get to have lunch again in a smaller setting. I'm really excited to talk to him. He's kind of the evangelical guru of worship awareness. Plus his book, Evangelicals on the Canterbury Trail, was very helpful for me when I became Episcopalian. It's going to be fun to meet him.
So I'll have stuff coming up that I will post. But since we're heading towards the end I won't be able to post frequently. Not that I've been all that good about it lately. Honestly it's getting to be kind of a drag. I love to hear from you guys. But writing is tiring. I'm definitely bidding goodbye to the blogging when seminary is over (unless someone wants to pay me for it!).
Anyway, I will post my curriculum for you - it's going to be about worship (I know, big surprise). The three sessions will be worship in church (the worship service), life rituals and rites of passage, and how to worship in the world (job, family). I'll probably do the middle one live (I have to test a session), since I have the most ideas for it. We'll see.
And I'll preach again on June 7. I'm really looking forward to the process this time. And of course I'll post sermon #2 for your amusement...I mean edification and transformation.
And then there's the ancient-future paper, for which I have yet to be commissioned with a topic. So I just wait. Whatever I write on will be fun. That class has just been such a kick - it's a great way to end my week every week. I SO prefer the doctoral seminars to my other classes. But really, since I'm not doing much academic this quarter, it's felt like a little respite. And I seriously needed that after last quarter.
I signed up for summer classes - only 2. I'll do a 5-week systematic theology: ecclesiology and eschatology with an Eastern Orthodox prof. Looking forward to her perspective! Then I'll do a two week on "Evangelizing Nominal Christians" with Eddie Gibbs (he of the "Emerging Churches" book). Since I have to do an evangelism class I figured that would be the least pukey. At least it will focus more on discipling and formation than conversion.
But more importantly, in 3 weeks and change I get to see my niece again and meet my nephew! I'm really figuring out what's important and it is spending time with those guys. I love them so much.
Then over 4th of July, J and I will take a much-needed couple-trip, to Vegas. We're psyched. Then it's finish class #1, J's parents visit, take class #2, and I have from mid-August until end of September off. Nice. I will be busy - I've got dozens of books to read, a movie to edit, and I've taken that job at USC. And it would be lovely to get away on retreat for a couple days.
Yeah, time never stops marching on, does it?
Yet I find myself talking to others about what I'm learning in that class more than any other. Probably because it's practical, applied stuff, so it's easy to relate to real life. How interested are other people, really, in the fineries of homiletical technique? Or in ancient-future worship patterns? Nope, that's stuff for us liturgy geeks (the latter I mean). So bleh.
But tomorrow we have a treat: Robert Webber is coming to have lunch with a group of us students, then Friday he's coming to my seminar class (because our class has been set up to test his theories about ancient-future stuff) so we can grill him. Then we get to have lunch again in a smaller setting. I'm really excited to talk to him. He's kind of the evangelical guru of worship awareness. Plus his book, Evangelicals on the Canterbury Trail, was very helpful for me when I became Episcopalian. It's going to be fun to meet him.
So I'll have stuff coming up that I will post. But since we're heading towards the end I won't be able to post frequently. Not that I've been all that good about it lately. Honestly it's getting to be kind of a drag. I love to hear from you guys. But writing is tiring. I'm definitely bidding goodbye to the blogging when seminary is over (unless someone wants to pay me for it!).
Anyway, I will post my curriculum for you - it's going to be about worship (I know, big surprise). The three sessions will be worship in church (the worship service), life rituals and rites of passage, and how to worship in the world (job, family). I'll probably do the middle one live (I have to test a session), since I have the most ideas for it. We'll see.
And I'll preach again on June 7. I'm really looking forward to the process this time. And of course I'll post sermon #2 for your amusement...I mean edification and transformation.
And then there's the ancient-future paper, for which I have yet to be commissioned with a topic. So I just wait. Whatever I write on will be fun. That class has just been such a kick - it's a great way to end my week every week. I SO prefer the doctoral seminars to my other classes. But really, since I'm not doing much academic this quarter, it's felt like a little respite. And I seriously needed that after last quarter.
I signed up for summer classes - only 2. I'll do a 5-week systematic theology: ecclesiology and eschatology with an Eastern Orthodox prof. Looking forward to her perspective! Then I'll do a two week on "Evangelizing Nominal Christians" with Eddie Gibbs (he of the "Emerging Churches" book). Since I have to do an evangelism class I figured that would be the least pukey. At least it will focus more on discipling and formation than conversion.
But more importantly, in 3 weeks and change I get to see my niece again and meet my nephew! I'm really figuring out what's important and it is spending time with those guys. I love them so much.
Then over 4th of July, J and I will take a much-needed couple-trip, to Vegas. We're psyched. Then it's finish class #1, J's parents visit, take class #2, and I have from mid-August until end of September off. Nice. I will be busy - I've got dozens of books to read, a movie to edit, and I've taken that job at USC. And it would be lovely to get away on retreat for a couple days.
Yeah, time never stops marching on, does it?
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Prophetic preaching, Life rituals
We got to watch a DVD of Peter Storey in my preaching class (he was Methodist Archbishop of South Africa and chaplain to Nelson Mandela in prison). Even via dvd it was amazing. Here are some of the great moments:
Preach to the people who are not in your church, and they will come.
I have no time for a gospel that has no potential to change the world. If God can't change the world I'm not sure why I'd spend time with God.
Preaching is Evangelical and Prophetic - evangelical in that it contends with the loyalties and wills of people, struggling to help them discover the implications of the gospel for their lives. If we do that, our preaching will inevitably become prophetic.
Falsehood: some called to prophetic and others pastoral. No, we have one ministry! "Simon of Cyrene wasn't 'called' to carry Jesus' cross, he just found it on his back."
The Kingdom is here and now. There is a dimension of the Kingdom in the sweet by-and-by, but it really doesn't interest me until then.
Did the Word become flesh just to get people to the sweet by and by? That's an absurdity. The Word became flesh to reclaim a rebel world for the God it deserted.
If this is true, there is no part of the world off-limits to preachers.
Prophetic ministry is driven by the love of of Christ. You're not much good to God unless you're willing to love God's people enough to die for them. Anger is not absence of love, it is the recoil of indignant love. The kind of anger and sorrow that Jesus showed when he healed the man with the withered hand who was being used as a pawn by the Pharisees to trap Jesus.
Where injustice is common, anger is appropriate. I'm not impressed with a Christian who can look upon injustice and not feel angry.
Prophetic ministry is evangelization. Seriously. It takes this task beyond the individual - they are not the only focus - to the systems that hurt and dehumanize and marginalize and destroy people. It recognizes that we often let our institutions do our sinning for us.
The honest thing to do is to let people know the cost of discipleship before they come forward to accept the gospel.
Principalities and powers are not spooky forces! They are found in corporations, in armies, in governments. They are the way in which evil expresses itself in institutions.
You can afford to be nice to people if the government keeps them in their place. The institutions are doing our sinning for us. Unless we recognize that, our ministries will miss half of what the devil is doing in this world. And we will focus on the individual sins of people and helping them find salvation and power...which is part of the job, but not all of it.
People ask, why do you preach on politics? "I'm preaching the gospel. The politicians keep interfering with the gospel."
What is the point of being an ambulance for alcoholics if you never question the industry that is working to make them drink more all the time?
90% of the Bible is gone if you cut out references to the poor - and that is the Bible used in the majority of our churches.
Some of the religious groupings in this country are actually serving the powerful. If they make political statements that align with the powerful they are chaplains to power, not prophets. If there's one definition of a prophet that cannot be challenged, it is that a prophet never serves the powerful.
Definition of a Prophet:
Advocacy on behalf of God's little people.
Courage to speak truth to power.
The prophet always looks to see who are God's little ones NOW. That group can change - when new people take power, the prophet switches sides. The prophet is always on the side of the weak, poor, marginalized.
Whose image is on the coin? Whose image is on a human being?
God's. Do not let Caesar mess with people whose image is of the living God.
The prophet always stands with the people made in God's image who are being treated as if they belonged to Caesar.
I cannot understand the theology that permits the American flag into the sanctuary. Our flag was so stained with injustice that we could not imagine it coming into our sanctuary. We got a great new flag, but it's also not allowed.
You show me a flag that is unstained and pure, that belongs in the sanctuary. How can you preach when the symbol of the Caesar, of the ultimate authority against the living God, is a few feet away from you?
It doesn't matter who is in that position of power. You are not for the power.
Later, in the class I am TAing, we were talking about life rituals - rites of passage. An amazing anthology of liturgies is found in Healing Liturgies for the Seasons of Life by somebody Evans (pub Westminster/Knox) and some psychological/theological insight in Mighty Stories/Dangerous Rituals by Anderson & Foley.
The latter have this idea about Myth vs. Parable. Myth is the way things ought to be. Parable is what ought not happen. We have lots of rituals that reinforce myth - think of any wedding (happily ever after) or even a funeral (eulogizing a long, well-lived life).
We are less well-prepared to deal with parable. We are better at weddings than divorces. We don't know how to eulogize when a life has barely begun.
But good news: the Scriptures provide language for us. Just look at the Psalms - over half say something is wrong with the world. [definitions Confession: something wrong is my fault; Lament: something wrong is not my fault.]
The Scriptures are unapologetic in their language for lament - "God you promised and look what I got!" We have praise bands but not lament bands, because we're better at myth than parable. But the faith we give people has to get them through both - both the way things ought to be and when things don't go right. How are we doing that?
Here are some more thoughts about rituals:
For college students: we need rituals of welcoming and homegoing. How do we value education along with vocational work (in Christ there is no Phd or plumber)?
Why not celebrate a life while the person is still alive? Why wait until they are dead - or without memory? Do a life remembrance while the person can be there to be celebrated - and be there fully in mind as well as body!
Praying over pregnant couples allows them to grieve or celebrate publicly no matter what happens with the baby. If we don't recognize the pregnancy in the church community, they could miscarry and nobody will know. That is not loving them the best we could. Yet it is difficult to have a funeral for a 5, 6, 7 month old fetus if there's not been acknowledgment of the life. This stuff has to be intentional - it won't happen by accident.
If you baptize infants, anniversaries of baptisms should be announced because we ask people to commit to the children and we should hold them to it. People of faith should not take vows we do not intend to keep. This means when we say we're going to "do all in our power" to raise this child in the knowledge and love of Christ, we better damn well be ready to take that kid to church if the parents can't or won't!
And then, I had a funny exchange:
Me: God wasn't good at being God until he became one of us.
My friend: Seriously, not until Jesus.
Me: Yeah, he became one of us and then he was like, "Oh, this is why they're so stupid!"
Preach to the people who are not in your church, and they will come.
I have no time for a gospel that has no potential to change the world. If God can't change the world I'm not sure why I'd spend time with God.
Preaching is Evangelical and Prophetic - evangelical in that it contends with the loyalties and wills of people, struggling to help them discover the implications of the gospel for their lives. If we do that, our preaching will inevitably become prophetic.
Falsehood: some called to prophetic and others pastoral. No, we have one ministry! "Simon of Cyrene wasn't 'called' to carry Jesus' cross, he just found it on his back."
The Kingdom is here and now. There is a dimension of the Kingdom in the sweet by-and-by, but it really doesn't interest me until then.
Did the Word become flesh just to get people to the sweet by and by? That's an absurdity. The Word became flesh to reclaim a rebel world for the God it deserted.
If this is true, there is no part of the world off-limits to preachers.
Prophetic ministry is driven by the love of of Christ. You're not much good to God unless you're willing to love God's people enough to die for them. Anger is not absence of love, it is the recoil of indignant love. The kind of anger and sorrow that Jesus showed when he healed the man with the withered hand who was being used as a pawn by the Pharisees to trap Jesus.
Where injustice is common, anger is appropriate. I'm not impressed with a Christian who can look upon injustice and not feel angry.
Prophetic ministry is evangelization. Seriously. It takes this task beyond the individual - they are not the only focus - to the systems that hurt and dehumanize and marginalize and destroy people. It recognizes that we often let our institutions do our sinning for us.
The honest thing to do is to let people know the cost of discipleship before they come forward to accept the gospel.
Principalities and powers are not spooky forces! They are found in corporations, in armies, in governments. They are the way in which evil expresses itself in institutions.
You can afford to be nice to people if the government keeps them in their place. The institutions are doing our sinning for us. Unless we recognize that, our ministries will miss half of what the devil is doing in this world. And we will focus on the individual sins of people and helping them find salvation and power...which is part of the job, but not all of it.
People ask, why do you preach on politics? "I'm preaching the gospel. The politicians keep interfering with the gospel."
What is the point of being an ambulance for alcoholics if you never question the industry that is working to make them drink more all the time?
90% of the Bible is gone if you cut out references to the poor - and that is the Bible used in the majority of our churches.
Some of the religious groupings in this country are actually serving the powerful. If they make political statements that align with the powerful they are chaplains to power, not prophets. If there's one definition of a prophet that cannot be challenged, it is that a prophet never serves the powerful.
Definition of a Prophet:
Advocacy on behalf of God's little people.
Courage to speak truth to power.
The prophet always looks to see who are God's little ones NOW. That group can change - when new people take power, the prophet switches sides. The prophet is always on the side of the weak, poor, marginalized.
Whose image is on the coin? Whose image is on a human being?
God's. Do not let Caesar mess with people whose image is of the living God.
The prophet always stands with the people made in God's image who are being treated as if they belonged to Caesar.
I cannot understand the theology that permits the American flag into the sanctuary. Our flag was so stained with injustice that we could not imagine it coming into our sanctuary. We got a great new flag, but it's also not allowed.
You show me a flag that is unstained and pure, that belongs in the sanctuary. How can you preach when the symbol of the Caesar, of the ultimate authority against the living God, is a few feet away from you?
It doesn't matter who is in that position of power. You are not for the power.
Later, in the class I am TAing, we were talking about life rituals - rites of passage. An amazing anthology of liturgies is found in Healing Liturgies for the Seasons of Life by somebody Evans (pub Westminster/Knox) and some psychological/theological insight in Mighty Stories/Dangerous Rituals by Anderson & Foley.
The latter have this idea about Myth vs. Parable. Myth is the way things ought to be. Parable is what ought not happen. We have lots of rituals that reinforce myth - think of any wedding (happily ever after) or even a funeral (eulogizing a long, well-lived life).
We are less well-prepared to deal with parable. We are better at weddings than divorces. We don't know how to eulogize when a life has barely begun.
But good news: the Scriptures provide language for us. Just look at the Psalms - over half say something is wrong with the world. [definitions Confession: something wrong is my fault; Lament: something wrong is not my fault.]
The Scriptures are unapologetic in their language for lament - "God you promised and look what I got!" We have praise bands but not lament bands, because we're better at myth than parable. But the faith we give people has to get them through both - both the way things ought to be and when things don't go right. How are we doing that?
Here are some more thoughts about rituals:
For college students: we need rituals of welcoming and homegoing. How do we value education along with vocational work (in Christ there is no Phd or plumber)?
Why not celebrate a life while the person is still alive? Why wait until they are dead - or without memory? Do a life remembrance while the person can be there to be celebrated - and be there fully in mind as well as body!
Praying over pregnant couples allows them to grieve or celebrate publicly no matter what happens with the baby. If we don't recognize the pregnancy in the church community, they could miscarry and nobody will know. That is not loving them the best we could. Yet it is difficult to have a funeral for a 5, 6, 7 month old fetus if there's not been acknowledgment of the life. This stuff has to be intentional - it won't happen by accident.
If you baptize infants, anniversaries of baptisms should be announced because we ask people to commit to the children and we should hold them to it. People of faith should not take vows we do not intend to keep. This means when we say we're going to "do all in our power" to raise this child in the knowledge and love of Christ, we better damn well be ready to take that kid to church if the parents can't or won't!
And then, I had a funny exchange:
Me: God wasn't good at being God until he became one of us.
My friend: Seriously, not until Jesus.
Me: Yeah, he became one of us and then he was like, "Oh, this is why they're so stupid!"
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Great big praises to God
Wow...lots of good stuff happened today.
J just emailed and he got another job for the fall. Now we are in decent circumstances. One more job would be even better, but we are at least now able to pay rent with the two he has lined up.
I officially set up the details for working for USC to put together their national conference for college/university interfaith councils next winter. This is going to be a lot of fun. We're already coming up with so many interesting topics (music across traditions, how to get involved in world issues, spirituality and art, incorporating spiritual seekers and out of the box faith, etc etc). I think I'm going to be glad I did this.
Plus my bosses (mentors, really) are asking me wonderful questions like, "How can we make sure this job adds to your education and development?" I mean, who doesn't want to hear that! We had a wonderful chat today about what I've learned at my internship. They are strongly encouraging me to get a PhD and giving me all kinds of ideas about things I might do in the areas of ritual across faiths and cultures (world tour, anyone?). I think I might need to pick up some ethnography and anthropology classes. Oh, God, I'm going to be in school forever, aren't I?
Anyway, I have to tell you the BIGGEST NEWS, which is just absolutely so wonderful - our friend Nick went for his surgery and the tumor was gone!!! That's it! No more tumor, no more cancer. Just went away.
Is that a God thing or what? I guess prayer's got something going for it after all.
Altogether now: Thanks be to God.
J just emailed and he got another job for the fall. Now we are in decent circumstances. One more job would be even better, but we are at least now able to pay rent with the two he has lined up.
I officially set up the details for working for USC to put together their national conference for college/university interfaith councils next winter. This is going to be a lot of fun. We're already coming up with so many interesting topics (music across traditions, how to get involved in world issues, spirituality and art, incorporating spiritual seekers and out of the box faith, etc etc). I think I'm going to be glad I did this.
Plus my bosses (mentors, really) are asking me wonderful questions like, "How can we make sure this job adds to your education and development?" I mean, who doesn't want to hear that! We had a wonderful chat today about what I've learned at my internship. They are strongly encouraging me to get a PhD and giving me all kinds of ideas about things I might do in the areas of ritual across faiths and cultures (world tour, anyone?). I think I might need to pick up some ethnography and anthropology classes. Oh, God, I'm going to be in school forever, aren't I?
Anyway, I have to tell you the BIGGEST NEWS, which is just absolutely so wonderful - our friend Nick went for his surgery and the tumor was gone!!! That's it! No more tumor, no more cancer. Just went away.
Is that a God thing or what? I guess prayer's got something going for it after all.
Altogether now: Thanks be to God.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Are mainline churches dead?
Or have they just changed their stripes?
First, read this short interview in US News & World Reports:
http://www.usnews.com/usnews/culture/articles/050607/7religion.htm
(want more? http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/week845/interview1.html
http://www.alban.org/ShowArticle.asp?ID=136 - The most interesting part is the section entitled "Questionable Statistics")
First, read this short interview in US News & World Reports:
http://www.usnews.com/usnews/culture/articles/050607/7religion.htm
(want more? http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/week845/interview1.html
http://www.alban.org/ShowArticle.asp?ID=136 - The most interesting part is the section entitled "Questionable Statistics")
High Anxiety
Sorry I've not been around. It's been high drama over here. Firstly we did a great birthday party. Lots of fun. Thanks to you who came. Especially you who brought presents. My kitchen feels truly pimped.
Then my cousin unexpectedly came into town and stayed with us last night. She's awesome. She works for a state assemblywoman and damn if she isn't actually getting good things done in the world. It's inspiring.
In the midst of all this J was chatting with a friend who'd recommended him to an acquaintance for a job. The class list came and all three sessions conflicted with plans: one with a class he's already teaching (so that's out), one with his parents' planned visit here, and the third with our planned visit to my family in the Midwest and our planned trip away just the two of us.
We managed to decide it was okay for him to work while his folks were here. But then he wanted to be all "fair" and said if he had to do that, then he should work during my family's time too. But the problem with that is that it means he doesn't go on the trip to their house (unlike with his parents coming here, in which case he still gets to see them). He bailed out of my last trip back there, and I swore I'd never go without him again.
But it was decent money, and schools aren't biting as much for this coming fall. He's nervous. We both are. The life of the adjunct is terribly stressful. No job security (and forget about stuff like health insurance). Since I don't have a job, it's kind of important for him to teach. A lot. Not the 12 classes he did last fall, but at least 3 is pretty much minimum to keep paying rent.
Anyway, we decided he should take the job. Then I was super depressed and we decided it wasn't worth the misery so he went back and turned down the job (just the one, he's still doing the middle one). But now he's super stressed because of the fall's bad prospects. And all I can think is how I can't believe how much our rent is, and should we move, and should I go back to work, and why couldn't I have gotten more scholarship money because I can't even afford to take a full class load this summer, and why is my damn required health insurance so freaking expensive??
This is the stress. It was kind of a lose-lose situation. Lose family, lose money. Lose opportunity to work (miraculous) or lose opportunity to meet niece and nephew (equally if not moreso). Yes, it's no fun. And it's all easy to be noble and say we made the right choice to go for family over money. But if in 6 months we're in debt because of it, I won't be thrilled. Of course, the couple grand he would have made wouldn't float us more than one extra month anyway. Don't ya just love that California cost of living?
Well if you hear of a cheap place to live or don't mind us moving into your garage, let me know.
Pray that he'll get a job. His little manly ego needs it, and I want him to feel good about providing for us. We're waiting on Biola to get their act together and tell him whether they can hire him. He has two classes lined up for them, but apparently they're having space issues so they're cutting back on how much they are offering. Ugh.
Okay, I've done way more personal revelation than anybody needed, so I'm going now.
Then my cousin unexpectedly came into town and stayed with us last night. She's awesome. She works for a state assemblywoman and damn if she isn't actually getting good things done in the world. It's inspiring.
In the midst of all this J was chatting with a friend who'd recommended him to an acquaintance for a job. The class list came and all three sessions conflicted with plans: one with a class he's already teaching (so that's out), one with his parents' planned visit here, and the third with our planned visit to my family in the Midwest and our planned trip away just the two of us.
We managed to decide it was okay for him to work while his folks were here. But then he wanted to be all "fair" and said if he had to do that, then he should work during my family's time too. But the problem with that is that it means he doesn't go on the trip to their house (unlike with his parents coming here, in which case he still gets to see them). He bailed out of my last trip back there, and I swore I'd never go without him again.
But it was decent money, and schools aren't biting as much for this coming fall. He's nervous. We both are. The life of the adjunct is terribly stressful. No job security (and forget about stuff like health insurance). Since I don't have a job, it's kind of important for him to teach. A lot. Not the 12 classes he did last fall, but at least 3 is pretty much minimum to keep paying rent.
Anyway, we decided he should take the job. Then I was super depressed and we decided it wasn't worth the misery so he went back and turned down the job (just the one, he's still doing the middle one). But now he's super stressed because of the fall's bad prospects. And all I can think is how I can't believe how much our rent is, and should we move, and should I go back to work, and why couldn't I have gotten more scholarship money because I can't even afford to take a full class load this summer, and why is my damn required health insurance so freaking expensive??
This is the stress. It was kind of a lose-lose situation. Lose family, lose money. Lose opportunity to work (miraculous) or lose opportunity to meet niece and nephew (equally if not moreso). Yes, it's no fun. And it's all easy to be noble and say we made the right choice to go for family over money. But if in 6 months we're in debt because of it, I won't be thrilled. Of course, the couple grand he would have made wouldn't float us more than one extra month anyway. Don't ya just love that California cost of living?
Well if you hear of a cheap place to live or don't mind us moving into your garage, let me know.
Pray that he'll get a job. His little manly ego needs it, and I want him to feel good about providing for us. We're waiting on Biola to get their act together and tell him whether they can hire him. He has two classes lined up for them, but apparently they're having space issues so they're cutting back on how much they are offering. Ugh.
Okay, I've done way more personal revelation than anybody needed, so I'm going now.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Couple things
I thought this article in the New Yorker was really interesting - great for learning some history about my church as well as understanding the current issues.
Please pray for Nick. He is in my husband's doctoral program - one of 3 or 4 students that were admitted with him four years ago. Needless to say, they all get pretty close. Nick is about our age and has been diagnosed with cancer on his throat. He's pretty much lost his ability to talk (not great for a professor). They had planned surgery with possibly chemotherapy. Then his eye started twitching, and the doctors think the cancer may also be in his brain. That complicates things enormously.
In addition to all this, Nick's a single guy far from his parents who has only the free health insurance offered by the university to its PhD students. Because he & J's funding runs out this June, they both lose the insurance. Not too huge for us, but pretty bad for Nick. The first surgery for his throat was probably going to hit the cap of $200,000 that the insurance would cover anyway.
And all of this as the guy is in the exact same situation as my husband: just finishing four years of working on a PhD, looking for a job, finally ready to start teaching and really get out there with what he's so passionate about. It's incredibly sad. I can't imagine what he is going through.
Please pray for him. Do you think we should do some kind of fundraiser for him?
God, what if he doesn't make it?
It's scary.
Please pray for Nick. He is in my husband's doctoral program - one of 3 or 4 students that were admitted with him four years ago. Needless to say, they all get pretty close. Nick is about our age and has been diagnosed with cancer on his throat. He's pretty much lost his ability to talk (not great for a professor). They had planned surgery with possibly chemotherapy. Then his eye started twitching, and the doctors think the cancer may also be in his brain. That complicates things enormously.
In addition to all this, Nick's a single guy far from his parents who has only the free health insurance offered by the university to its PhD students. Because he & J's funding runs out this June, they both lose the insurance. Not too huge for us, but pretty bad for Nick. The first surgery for his throat was probably going to hit the cap of $200,000 that the insurance would cover anyway.
And all of this as the guy is in the exact same situation as my husband: just finishing four years of working on a PhD, looking for a job, finally ready to start teaching and really get out there with what he's so passionate about. It's incredibly sad. I can't imagine what he is going through.
Please pray for him. Do you think we should do some kind of fundraiser for him?
God, what if he doesn't make it?
It's scary.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
What you've been waiting for...
Here's my first sermon. Seemed to go over real well. That may have been because I was wearing a crown that says, "Birthday Queen."
Well, women are supposed to cover their heads in church.
Sorry I can't perform it for you. I'll give you the version with my "stage notes." Enjoy.
Becoming our Parent
05/03/06
Would you please stand for the reading of God’s word?
A reading from the first letter of John.
And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he is revealed we may have confidence and not be put to shame before him at his coming. If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who does right has been born of him. See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is.
The Word of the Lord. (Thanks be to God)
Let us pray.
God be in my head
And in my understanding
God be in my eyes
And in my looking
God be in my mouth
And in my speaking
Amen
You may be seated.
Remember last week, before class, when we all started showing each other pictures of the children in our lives? (gesture to:) We saw Tommy’s gorgeous daughters and learned Amy is a new aunt. I didn’t get to show you my own beautiful niece, so I’ll just take the opportunity to do that now. (show Vallarie photo) This is Vallarie Lynn Fendley, born June 30 last year. Isn’t she the cutest?
Obviously we all take a lot of pride in our sons and daughters, nieces and nephews. Standing over the crib, we coo and coddle and find all kinds of resemblances in the baby’s face: (look down at baby) “She has her dad’s nose,” “He has Grandpa’s chin,” and so on. But, it’s all a bit silly, isn’t it?, because most babies look the same. It’s not until we grow up that we really begin to take on recognizable physical characteristics of our relatives (in my family we have the infamous Smith thighs!) (slap thigh). And it’s not until even later that we unconsciously reveal the family quirks and phobias, flaws and foibles.
(staredown, slowly) Have you ever had that chilling realization that you just did or said exactly what your mother or father would have? (shudder) It makes the blood run cold! For better or worse, we can’t help but become our parents.
Yet that is precisely is the good news I have to share with you today.
According to John, we are born of God – we are children of God! (slower, amazed) God is our Father. (speedier) It’s such an incredible concept that John repeats it: kai esmen! he says. That is what we are!
What does this mean? To be born of the Alpha and Omega, the Arche and Telos; to be a child of the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen? Perhaps we can begin with what it might have meant to the original readers of John’s letter.
In the first century, children were not liberated – they weren’t popping in the Disney DVD and learning to believe in themselves. Who they were – and all they would ever become – was already determined by mom and dad and grandparents and way on back before anyone should have remembered. That’s why we have to slug through the genealogies in the Gospels. Who you came from mattered. It gave you opportunities, status, employment – or lack thereof.
I thought of this the other night as I was watching a teaser for the evening news. Over grainy images of pregnant women with blurred-out faces, the announcer intoned, “Are foreign women sneaking into the US to give birth? Could they be exploiting a loophole in the Constitution? How far will they go to have their baby Born in the USA?” I didn’t need to see the “story at 11” to get the drift. Women sneak into our country to have their children so the child will be an American citizen. The family cannot provide everything the child needs to prosper. But, by giving her the identity of being American, a world of new possibilities will open up. It’s not a choice the baby makes, it’s nothing the baby does, that gives her this identity – she is simply born into it, and that makes all the difference.
John is telling his readers – and us – that we have been born into an identity beyond our wildest dreams – as children of God! Indeed, how great is the love that the Father has lavished upon us.
But with this identity comes great expectations.
In the ancient world, the way you behaved directly reflected back on your parents – for if your very identity came from them, then surely your actions would reflect their values and beliefs. Fourth Maccabees calls the parent/child relationship a “wondrous likeness both of mind and of form”; classics scholar Moses Hadas tells us a child was “like an image painted with the same colors” as his parents.
This presumed family resemblance meant that an honorable child brought honor to her parents – and implying someone had a poor parentage was a sneaky way to insult him. So when John the Baptist really wanted to stick it to the Pharisees, he called them a “brood of vipers” – children of snakes. When the Jews tried to persuade Jesus of their righteousness by appealing to “Abraham our Father,” Jesus shot back with: “your father is the devil.” These are not just creative phrases – they were serious insults. Behavior stemmed from character, and character came from your family.
So when John says that the world doesn’t recognize us because it didn’t recognize God, he is drawing upon this common understanding. The readers knew that if God was Father, that meant they carried the family resemblance out into the world with them. It was a challenge, but it was also a reassurance. John is telling us that the way we behave is not a condition of our being children of God, but rather the consequence of it. Those are the words of scholar Brooke Westcott; let me put it another way: We are not children of God because we act like it – we act like children of God because that is who we are. We are not children of God because we act like it – we act like children of God because that is who we are.
BEAT
I’ll tell you a secret: I’ve never really been much of a kid person, especially not a baby person. So when I was going to meet my 3-month-old niece last summer, I was a little afraid that I might not like her. But when my sister put her baby into my arms, I just loved her. It was like she was mine. I bonded with her immediately – unlike with any other child I’ve ever held!
My husband tells me it’s genetic, that evolution dictates a connection between us and our blood kin so that we will take care of them (he thinks this will excuse him from falling under her spell, but I seriously doubt it). But it’s true, isn’t it? Every parent believes his or her baby is the most beautiful in the world. We love our babies because when we look at them, we see ourselves.
John tells us, “When [God] is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is.” When we see God, we will realize that we have become like him. And when God looks back at us, God will see himself. (pause) We will finally fully understand who we really are. We will recognize the family resemblance.
BEAT
As seminary students we tend to work very hard at trying to figure out what God wants from us. How do we become like God? (pause)
What if God has already put the answer inside of us? John says God put his sperma in the believers – and there it remains. At our baptism, we receive God into ourselves. When we worship, fellowship, and commune with one another, we water that seed. As it grows, it produces the character of God in us, which naturally leads us to do God’s will. And that’s not a condition of being God’s child – it’s the consequence of it.
And one day, won’t we be tremendously happy to realize we have become our parent.
Well, women are supposed to cover their heads in church.
Sorry I can't perform it for you. I'll give you the version with my "stage notes." Enjoy.
Becoming our Parent
05/03/06
Would you please stand for the reading of God’s word?
A reading from the first letter of John.
And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he is revealed we may have confidence and not be put to shame before him at his coming. If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who does right has been born of him. See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is.
The Word of the Lord. (Thanks be to God)
Let us pray.
God be in my head
And in my understanding
God be in my eyes
And in my looking
God be in my mouth
And in my speaking
Amen
You may be seated.
Remember last week, before class, when we all started showing each other pictures of the children in our lives? (gesture to:) We saw Tommy’s gorgeous daughters and learned Amy is a new aunt. I didn’t get to show you my own beautiful niece, so I’ll just take the opportunity to do that now. (show Vallarie photo) This is Vallarie Lynn Fendley, born June 30 last year. Isn’t she the cutest?
Obviously we all take a lot of pride in our sons and daughters, nieces and nephews. Standing over the crib, we coo and coddle and find all kinds of resemblances in the baby’s face: (look down at baby) “She has her dad’s nose,” “He has Grandpa’s chin,” and so on. But, it’s all a bit silly, isn’t it?, because most babies look the same. It’s not until we grow up that we really begin to take on recognizable physical characteristics of our relatives (in my family we have the infamous Smith thighs!) (slap thigh). And it’s not until even later that we unconsciously reveal the family quirks and phobias, flaws and foibles.
(staredown, slowly) Have you ever had that chilling realization that you just did or said exactly what your mother or father would have? (shudder) It makes the blood run cold! For better or worse, we can’t help but become our parents.
Yet that is precisely is the good news I have to share with you today.
According to John, we are born of God – we are children of God! (slower, amazed) God is our Father. (speedier) It’s such an incredible concept that John repeats it: kai esmen! he says. That is what we are!
What does this mean? To be born of the Alpha and Omega, the Arche and Telos; to be a child of the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen? Perhaps we can begin with what it might have meant to the original readers of John’s letter.
In the first century, children were not liberated – they weren’t popping in the Disney DVD and learning to believe in themselves. Who they were – and all they would ever become – was already determined by mom and dad and grandparents and way on back before anyone should have remembered. That’s why we have to slug through the genealogies in the Gospels. Who you came from mattered. It gave you opportunities, status, employment – or lack thereof.
I thought of this the other night as I was watching a teaser for the evening news. Over grainy images of pregnant women with blurred-out faces, the announcer intoned, “Are foreign women sneaking into the US to give birth? Could they be exploiting a loophole in the Constitution? How far will they go to have their baby Born in the USA?” I didn’t need to see the “story at 11” to get the drift. Women sneak into our country to have their children so the child will be an American citizen. The family cannot provide everything the child needs to prosper. But, by giving her the identity of being American, a world of new possibilities will open up. It’s not a choice the baby makes, it’s nothing the baby does, that gives her this identity – she is simply born into it, and that makes all the difference.
John is telling his readers – and us – that we have been born into an identity beyond our wildest dreams – as children of God! Indeed, how great is the love that the Father has lavished upon us.
But with this identity comes great expectations.
In the ancient world, the way you behaved directly reflected back on your parents – for if your very identity came from them, then surely your actions would reflect their values and beliefs. Fourth Maccabees calls the parent/child relationship a “wondrous likeness both of mind and of form”; classics scholar Moses Hadas tells us a child was “like an image painted with the same colors” as his parents.
This presumed family resemblance meant that an honorable child brought honor to her parents – and implying someone had a poor parentage was a sneaky way to insult him. So when John the Baptist really wanted to stick it to the Pharisees, he called them a “brood of vipers” – children of snakes. When the Jews tried to persuade Jesus of their righteousness by appealing to “Abraham our Father,” Jesus shot back with: “your father is the devil.” These are not just creative phrases – they were serious insults. Behavior stemmed from character, and character came from your family.
So when John says that the world doesn’t recognize us because it didn’t recognize God, he is drawing upon this common understanding. The readers knew that if God was Father, that meant they carried the family resemblance out into the world with them. It was a challenge, but it was also a reassurance. John is telling us that the way we behave is not a condition of our being children of God, but rather the consequence of it. Those are the words of scholar Brooke Westcott; let me put it another way: We are not children of God because we act like it – we act like children of God because that is who we are. We are not children of God because we act like it – we act like children of God because that is who we are.
BEAT
I’ll tell you a secret: I’ve never really been much of a kid person, especially not a baby person. So when I was going to meet my 3-month-old niece last summer, I was a little afraid that I might not like her. But when my sister put her baby into my arms, I just loved her. It was like she was mine. I bonded with her immediately – unlike with any other child I’ve ever held!
My husband tells me it’s genetic, that evolution dictates a connection between us and our blood kin so that we will take care of them (he thinks this will excuse him from falling under her spell, but I seriously doubt it). But it’s true, isn’t it? Every parent believes his or her baby is the most beautiful in the world. We love our babies because when we look at them, we see ourselves.
John tells us, “When [God] is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is.” When we see God, we will realize that we have become like him. And when God looks back at us, God will see himself. (pause) We will finally fully understand who we really are. We will recognize the family resemblance.
BEAT
As seminary students we tend to work very hard at trying to figure out what God wants from us. How do we become like God? (pause)
What if God has already put the answer inside of us? John says God put his sperma in the believers – and there it remains. At our baptism, we receive God into ourselves. When we worship, fellowship, and commune with one another, we water that seed. As it grows, it produces the character of God in us, which naturally leads us to do God’s will. And that’s not a condition of being God’s child – it’s the consequence of it.
And one day, won’t we be tremendously happy to realize we have become our parent.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Hippo Birdie
Almost birthday time.
Whoopee!
That means almost preaching time.
Get it over with.
I think I finished too early. The damn thing's gone a bit stale on me. I'm a little tired of it. At least of practicing it. Lesson learned: no more working so far ahead of time, and definitely no more practicing so much. I'll just take after dear old Dad and be a Saturday night sermon writer.
Seriously, it will probably go great, but pray for me anyway.
Meantime, since I haven't been here much lately, I give you a new link (over there to the left) to the Wheaton GLBT yahoo group. Please, only for the friendly.
Also, I will post for you the homily I wrote for last week's chapel, which was not so much preaching as one of those little scripture doodles I like to write. Enjoy.
From Brokenness to Unity
Fuller Chapel – April 26, 2006
Reader 1 & 2: female
Reader 3: male
2: Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
3: Seek the LORD while he may be found, call upon him while he is near;
2: let the wicked forsake their way, and the unrighteous their thoughts;
3: let them return to the LORD, that he may have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
1: For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there until they have watered the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
I will make with you an everlasting covenant. I will take you from the nations, and gather you from all the countries, and bring you into your own land.
I will sprinkle clean water upon you…
2: (bursting in) Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters! and you that have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price!
3: (inviting the audience) Incline your ear, and come; listen, so that you may live.
1: The hand of the LORD came upon me, and he brought me out by the spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones.
He led me all around them; there were very many lying in the valley, and they were very dry.
He said to me, "Mortal, can these bones live?" I answered, "O Lord GOD, you know."
Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them: O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD."
3: (softly) A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you;
1: So I prophesied as I had been commanded; and as I prophesied, suddenly there was a noise, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. I looked, and there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them…
3: (softly) I will remove from your body the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
1: (slowly) …but there was no breath in them.
2: (softly) Veni Sancte Spiritus.
1: Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, mortal, and say to the breath:
2: (louder) Veni Sancte Spiritus.
1: Thus says the Lord GOD: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live.
2 & 3: (louder) Veni Sancte Spiritus.
1: I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived, and stood on their feet, a vast multitude.
2: I will put my spirit within you.
3: I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live.
1: I am going to open your graves, and bring you up from your graves, O my people; and I will bring you back to the land of Israel. I will put my spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you on your own soil; then you shall know that I, the LORD, have spoken and will act.
3: I am the resurrection and the life, and everyone who believes in me will never die.
2: For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.
ALL: You shall be my people, and I will be your God.
3: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who are being protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
2: In this you rejoice, even if now for a little while you have had to suffer various trials,
so that the genuineness of your faith-- being more precious than gold that, though perishable, is tested by fire-- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
1: Although you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy,
3: for you are receiving the outcome of your faith,
2: the salvation of your souls.
Whoopee!
That means almost preaching time.
Get it over with.
I think I finished too early. The damn thing's gone a bit stale on me. I'm a little tired of it. At least of practicing it. Lesson learned: no more working so far ahead of time, and definitely no more practicing so much. I'll just take after dear old Dad and be a Saturday night sermon writer.
Seriously, it will probably go great, but pray for me anyway.
Meantime, since I haven't been here much lately, I give you a new link (over there to the left) to the Wheaton GLBT yahoo group. Please, only for the friendly.
Also, I will post for you the homily I wrote for last week's chapel, which was not so much preaching as one of those little scripture doodles I like to write. Enjoy.
From Brokenness to Unity
Fuller Chapel – April 26, 2006
Reader 1 & 2: female
Reader 3: male
2: Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
3: Seek the LORD while he may be found, call upon him while he is near;
2: let the wicked forsake their way, and the unrighteous their thoughts;
3: let them return to the LORD, that he may have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
1: For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there until they have watered the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
I will make with you an everlasting covenant. I will take you from the nations, and gather you from all the countries, and bring you into your own land.
I will sprinkle clean water upon you…
2: (bursting in) Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters! and you that have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price!
3: (inviting the audience) Incline your ear, and come; listen, so that you may live.
1: The hand of the LORD came upon me, and he brought me out by the spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones.
He led me all around them; there were very many lying in the valley, and they were very dry.
He said to me, "Mortal, can these bones live?" I answered, "O Lord GOD, you know."
Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them: O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD."
3: (softly) A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you;
1: So I prophesied as I had been commanded; and as I prophesied, suddenly there was a noise, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. I looked, and there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them…
3: (softly) I will remove from your body the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
1: (slowly) …but there was no breath in them.
2: (softly) Veni Sancte Spiritus.
1: Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, mortal, and say to the breath:
2: (louder) Veni Sancte Spiritus.
1: Thus says the Lord GOD: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live.
2 & 3: (louder) Veni Sancte Spiritus.
1: I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived, and stood on their feet, a vast multitude.
2: I will put my spirit within you.
3: I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live.
1: I am going to open your graves, and bring you up from your graves, O my people; and I will bring you back to the land of Israel. I will put my spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you on your own soil; then you shall know that I, the LORD, have spoken and will act.
3: I am the resurrection and the life, and everyone who believes in me will never die.
2: For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.
ALL: You shall be my people, and I will be your God.
3: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who are being protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
2: In this you rejoice, even if now for a little while you have had to suffer various trials,
so that the genuineness of your faith-- being more precious than gold that, though perishable, is tested by fire-- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
1: Although you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy,
3: for you are receiving the outcome of your faith,
2: the salvation of your souls.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Uh oh
So I finished close to a final if not the final sermon draft, and after a couple practice rounds I was feeling pretty good about it all. It's nothing if not dramatic. At least they won't be bored. It feels extremely simplistic, but what more can you do in 10 minutes (or 8)? Actually I haven't timed it. Geez I hope it's on target.
Anyway I decided to run it by J. I was really surprised because at the end he just said it was really good. Then he said I didn't tell enough jokes. I pointed him to the jokes and he said my delivery was subpar. Well that's just him - I know how to make other people laugh. He doesn't like my humor, mostly because it doesn't surprise him. So that didn't upset me too much.
Then after thinking about it for a while he said he thought I might have said something heretical and I'd better go back and look at that part again. I think he may have convinced me why it sounds that way, even if it's not entirely meant that way. But it's depressing because it was this nice parallel thing I had going with an illustration and then bringing it down home...there were hand motions and everything. *sigh* I guess I shouldn't preach heresy, though.
I wonder how much we're judged on doctrine, though? I mean, really...it's a preaching class...
Well as much as I'm Episcopalian I shouldn't get a rep...I mean more of a rep...for being a heretic on campus. And I would never want to lead people astray in a different context.
I just have to figure out how to say basically the same thing in a clearer (but less heart-tugging) way. Bummer.
I'll bet this happens to preachers all the time. Maybe not the heresy part, but the giving up stuff you like. Because your spouse doesn't like it. Huh? Am I right?
Anyway I will post it here after it's all done and over with, but that's not until Wednesday (my birthday!) so you just have to wait. Hopefully by then I'll have uncrossed my signals from God and I'll have the right word to share.
Anyway I decided to run it by J. I was really surprised because at the end he just said it was really good. Then he said I didn't tell enough jokes. I pointed him to the jokes and he said my delivery was subpar. Well that's just him - I know how to make other people laugh. He doesn't like my humor, mostly because it doesn't surprise him. So that didn't upset me too much.
Then after thinking about it for a while he said he thought I might have said something heretical and I'd better go back and look at that part again. I think he may have convinced me why it sounds that way, even if it's not entirely meant that way. But it's depressing because it was this nice parallel thing I had going with an illustration and then bringing it down home...there were hand motions and everything. *sigh* I guess I shouldn't preach heresy, though.
I wonder how much we're judged on doctrine, though? I mean, really...it's a preaching class...
Well as much as I'm Episcopalian I shouldn't get a rep...I mean more of a rep...for being a heretic on campus. And I would never want to lead people astray in a different context.
I just have to figure out how to say basically the same thing in a clearer (but less heart-tugging) way. Bummer.
I'll bet this happens to preachers all the time. Maybe not the heresy part, but the giving up stuff you like. Because your spouse doesn't like it. Huh? Am I right?
Anyway I will post it here after it's all done and over with, but that's not until Wednesday (my birthday!) so you just have to wait. Hopefully by then I'll have uncrossed my signals from God and I'll have the right word to share.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Soon to preach and other matters
It's Thursday night again, so it's time for me to blog during class. Yippee!
I'm heavily into writing my first sermon. I get to deliver it on my 31st birthday (next Wed). So far I'm really enjoying the process. It's amazing how fun the Bible is when you're just exploring it for yourself. I'm just digging into all these ideas and like hyperlinks one leads to another and next thing I know I have this whole big theme. I hope I didn't miss anything important. But this is just a 10-12 min sermon, supposed to be a meditation really, not even an exegetical exposition. Only one point, explicated excellently. (hee hee look at me practice alliteration)
I hope I can bring my language up to par. This guy who preached yesterday had the most gorgeously written sermon. Although sometimes the language got away from him...like he described his grandma as "violent and virile," which I don't think he meant. :) But it was cute.
Anyway I get to preach on 1 John 3:1-2, which I'm expanding to 2:29-3:10. The thing that's jumping out to me is the naming of us as children of God. Which has a lot of implications. But I don't know if I can fully go into them. Mainly what I want to say is that because we're born of God, we have God's character...and that means a lot of really exciting things for us. Hopefully I can get into that a bit without going too overboard.
I lucked out b/c I'd written an exegesis paper on the passage a year ago. Thank God, otherwise I'd be lost in the Greek. I actually did a tiny bit of Greek today and sucked at it. I was trying to figure out a word and of course it was a "mi" verb (if you have studied Gk you know what I'm talking about), so I couldn't find it in the lexicon because of the way it was conjugated.
Anyway, pray for me in this process. I'm excited and nervous. Especially after yesterday, when 3 guys went who did a really great job, who were all experienced, and I'm putting so much pressure on myself to do great right out of the gate. Plus, my prof is sitting in on my sermon, and he's a friend and mentor so that's extra pressure. I know I don't have to do well - there's no way I'm going to write a wonderful sermon. Wait, no, that's not right. I should say, there's no way I'm going to write my best sermon. I will get better at this. Which means what I do now will be less good. Which is hard for me to admit. Isn't that stupid? It could still be really good! Duh!!
Another thing that is big on my mind is J's job search. A big yay that he had a great interview at a nearby Xian college, much closer than his current jobs. They're full up for the fall, but sounds like he's a shoe-in for spring.
But he also found out about a tenure-track asst prof job at one of the places he currently works, teaching in their honors institute (they use a Great Books model, which J's done in some classes). He's inquiring.
I don't know whether to be happy, though, because I disagree with this school on a lot of theological issues. I couldn't work there. I'm torn because of the association he'd necessarily have - WE'D have - if he worked there. But then, it's a real job, and that would be huge for him. And for us. He wouldn't be applying unless he could reconcile why he was doing so. He believes strongly in the work he could do for the school, so I want to try to support him. But oh, it just gets under my skin! Still, he has so much compassion for the students and really sees himself as a missionary there. I get that.
Isn't it funny that we need to send missionaries to the conservatives? But they've had moles in our churches forever, so it's about time to strike back!! Ha ha!
Oh, one other fun thing I found: If I ever preach on 1 John 5:6-12, I must talk about my closet obsession with vampires! The blood is life! Bwah ha ha! But it’s also a great section to preach Eucharist & Baptism. Jesus is the only one who shed blood. But we all go through the water and take the blood, and by these sacraments we receive the Spirit and the spirit of God. If we receive human testimony, the testimony of God is greater - and that is where the Bible itself says that it's not as important as the Sacraments!!! Ha ha ha. OK, if you want to say the Bible is the testimony of God, then we can at least say the Sacraments outweigh preaching, right?
Anyway, maybe I'll be back. I feel like I should pay attention now.
We had a public defender talk to us. Those people are saints. She was amazing. The only person, often, willing to stand up next to the most hated person in a room...which is what Jesus would do, too. Wow.
OK, I have to take notes for a friend who went home sick. Bummer. C-Ya!
(update: the school is already down to finalists. Moral crisis averted)
I'm heavily into writing my first sermon. I get to deliver it on my 31st birthday (next Wed). So far I'm really enjoying the process. It's amazing how fun the Bible is when you're just exploring it for yourself. I'm just digging into all these ideas and like hyperlinks one leads to another and next thing I know I have this whole big theme. I hope I didn't miss anything important. But this is just a 10-12 min sermon, supposed to be a meditation really, not even an exegetical exposition. Only one point, explicated excellently. (hee hee look at me practice alliteration)
I hope I can bring my language up to par. This guy who preached yesterday had the most gorgeously written sermon. Although sometimes the language got away from him...like he described his grandma as "violent and virile," which I don't think he meant. :) But it was cute.
Anyway I get to preach on 1 John 3:1-2, which I'm expanding to 2:29-3:10. The thing that's jumping out to me is the naming of us as children of God. Which has a lot of implications. But I don't know if I can fully go into them. Mainly what I want to say is that because we're born of God, we have God's character...and that means a lot of really exciting things for us. Hopefully I can get into that a bit without going too overboard.
I lucked out b/c I'd written an exegesis paper on the passage a year ago. Thank God, otherwise I'd be lost in the Greek. I actually did a tiny bit of Greek today and sucked at it. I was trying to figure out a word and of course it was a "mi" verb (if you have studied Gk you know what I'm talking about), so I couldn't find it in the lexicon because of the way it was conjugated.
Anyway, pray for me in this process. I'm excited and nervous. Especially after yesterday, when 3 guys went who did a really great job, who were all experienced, and I'm putting so much pressure on myself to do great right out of the gate. Plus, my prof is sitting in on my sermon, and he's a friend and mentor so that's extra pressure. I know I don't have to do well - there's no way I'm going to write a wonderful sermon. Wait, no, that's not right. I should say, there's no way I'm going to write my best sermon. I will get better at this. Which means what I do now will be less good. Which is hard for me to admit. Isn't that stupid? It could still be really good! Duh!!
Another thing that is big on my mind is J's job search. A big yay that he had a great interview at a nearby Xian college, much closer than his current jobs. They're full up for the fall, but sounds like he's a shoe-in for spring.
But he also found out about a tenure-track asst prof job at one of the places he currently works, teaching in their honors institute (they use a Great Books model, which J's done in some classes). He's inquiring.
I don't know whether to be happy, though, because I disagree with this school on a lot of theological issues. I couldn't work there. I'm torn because of the association he'd necessarily have - WE'D have - if he worked there. But then, it's a real job, and that would be huge for him. And for us. He wouldn't be applying unless he could reconcile why he was doing so. He believes strongly in the work he could do for the school, so I want to try to support him. But oh, it just gets under my skin! Still, he has so much compassion for the students and really sees himself as a missionary there. I get that.
Isn't it funny that we need to send missionaries to the conservatives? But they've had moles in our churches forever, so it's about time to strike back!! Ha ha!
Oh, one other fun thing I found: If I ever preach on 1 John 5:6-12, I must talk about my closet obsession with vampires! The blood is life! Bwah ha ha! But it’s also a great section to preach Eucharist & Baptism. Jesus is the only one who shed blood. But we all go through the water and take the blood, and by these sacraments we receive the Spirit and the spirit of God. If we receive human testimony, the testimony of God is greater - and that is where the Bible itself says that it's not as important as the Sacraments!!! Ha ha ha. OK, if you want to say the Bible is the testimony of God, then we can at least say the Sacraments outweigh preaching, right?
Anyway, maybe I'll be back. I feel like I should pay attention now.
We had a public defender talk to us. Those people are saints. She was amazing. The only person, often, willing to stand up next to the most hated person in a room...which is what Jesus would do, too. Wow.
OK, I have to take notes for a friend who went home sick. Bummer. C-Ya!
(update: the school is already down to finalists. Moral crisis averted)
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Major Brain Strain
I had an interesting assignment for Homiletics. We had to practice creative writing. So we wrote a metaphor, a simile, a series of sentences that are something called "anaphora" (I'd never heard of it). We had to write a story and tell what kind of sermon it might illustrate. We had to vividly describe a scene from nature. And finally, we had to choose a verse from Romans (I know, UGH) and come up with a quote from either a book or a movie that illustrated it. That last part about did me in. I worked on it for over 4 hours. I could have just picked something but it was really important to me (for the whole assignment) to have something really unique. I've somehow made my TA think I'm a creative writer so I feel there are expectations. Plus I refused to pick any of the overdone Christian references (like Matrix, Fight Club, or anything from CS Lewis). I finally finished but I've been working on this all day! I really didn't think it would take this long.
Anyway, in the spirit of always putting myself out there, I'll now let you see what I wrote. Maybe you can have a laugh at me. Or with me. Whatever. There are just a couple cool things I wanted to share, and then I thought, why not just put up the whole thing? So here you are. And you people in class with me can now tell me that I'm way too anal (or I suck compared to you or whatever).
Creative Writing
Metaphor: How could she write a creative metaphor when her mind was a gooey mass of thick pink cotton candy?
Simile: Normally, writing creatively is like breathing for me, but this assignment has me hyperventilating!
Anaphora: Creativity springs from your reason. Creativity springs from your experience. Creativity springs from your education. Creativity springs from your passion. Creativity springs from your heart.
For a sermon on God’s faithfulness throughout our lives and into the future:
A group of teenagers were driving to a party one sunny spring day. Suddenly, disaster struck: a horrific accident. Drunk driver. One of the girls, just 16 and an only child, was so badly injured that the rescue workers wrote her off and helped the others first. Her head was smashed and her pelvis was crushed, but she lived. Her parents’ relief at her incredible survival turned into a nightmare as doctors told them she would never speak again or walk – that she may not even recognize them. Despite all odds, she recovered, and though she never finished high school, she did get a job and eventually got married. Yet again she defied her doctors’ predictions, impossibly becoming pregnant. But her old injuries haunted her, traumatizing her body until she could not even eat. Hospitalized for dehydration, with her regular obstetrician out of town, the on-call doctor decided that her poor health called for a therapeutic abortion. But before it could be carried out, her doctor returned and refused to let anyone take the baby while there was the slightest glimmer of hope. In fact, she carried her baby 10 months. As her daughter was knit together ever so slowly and carefully in her womb, the woman’s pelvis realigned, allowing a normal delivery (and later, three more children). When her little girl was born, my grandmother took one look at my mother – and all the terrible, unfair pain and suffering in her life was forgotten as the sweet miracle of promise lay in her arms.
Nature description - this is about my little cuties outside!
They are working in the dark. The deep silence is broken only by the water that drips down, kissing their heads with its sweet coolness. Maybe some food will arrive today, but then again, probably not. No matter. They will continue without it. They cannot help but keep pushing. They grunt and strain, all their being striving towards the light, dreaming of the sun, knowing the day will come. And when it does, the brightest and most beautiful vibrant green energy takes solid form, and with a final shuddering thrust, the tiny shoot pushes up through the soil, and the plant announces its birth to the great wide world.
Romans & Buffy
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23). This verse is usually used to condemn sinners. In fact, what it is saying is that no matter what we may deserve, God has freely chosen to forgive us.
In an episode of the television show “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” the reformed vampire Angel is faced with all the evil things he has done. He decides that he deserves to die, and waits outside for the sun to rise (which will kill him). He asks Buffy, “Am I a thing worth saving? Am I a righteous man?” and later begs her to let him “be strong” and die.
But before they can even finish talking, snow begins falling (even though they are in Southern California). Miraculously, the sun does not come out at all that day. Although Angel knew that he did not deserve to live, that the wages of his sin is death, God does not let him die. Instead, God hides the sun, freely offering him another chance at life.
“Amends”
Written & Directed by Joss Whedon
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Season 3, Episode 10
It is my personal pledge that I will always use more Buffy illustrations than Bruce Almighty. You have my word as a preacher.
Anyway, in the spirit of always putting myself out there, I'll now let you see what I wrote. Maybe you can have a laugh at me. Or with me. Whatever. There are just a couple cool things I wanted to share, and then I thought, why not just put up the whole thing? So here you are. And you people in class with me can now tell me that I'm way too anal (or I suck compared to you or whatever).
Creative Writing
Metaphor: How could she write a creative metaphor when her mind was a gooey mass of thick pink cotton candy?
Simile: Normally, writing creatively is like breathing for me, but this assignment has me hyperventilating!
Anaphora: Creativity springs from your reason. Creativity springs from your experience. Creativity springs from your education. Creativity springs from your passion. Creativity springs from your heart.
For a sermon on God’s faithfulness throughout our lives and into the future:
A group of teenagers were driving to a party one sunny spring day. Suddenly, disaster struck: a horrific accident. Drunk driver. One of the girls, just 16 and an only child, was so badly injured that the rescue workers wrote her off and helped the others first. Her head was smashed and her pelvis was crushed, but she lived. Her parents’ relief at her incredible survival turned into a nightmare as doctors told them she would never speak again or walk – that she may not even recognize them. Despite all odds, she recovered, and though she never finished high school, she did get a job and eventually got married. Yet again she defied her doctors’ predictions, impossibly becoming pregnant. But her old injuries haunted her, traumatizing her body until she could not even eat. Hospitalized for dehydration, with her regular obstetrician out of town, the on-call doctor decided that her poor health called for a therapeutic abortion. But before it could be carried out, her doctor returned and refused to let anyone take the baby while there was the slightest glimmer of hope. In fact, she carried her baby 10 months. As her daughter was knit together ever so slowly and carefully in her womb, the woman’s pelvis realigned, allowing a normal delivery (and later, three more children). When her little girl was born, my grandmother took one look at my mother – and all the terrible, unfair pain and suffering in her life was forgotten as the sweet miracle of promise lay in her arms.
Nature description - this is about my little cuties outside!
They are working in the dark. The deep silence is broken only by the water that drips down, kissing their heads with its sweet coolness. Maybe some food will arrive today, but then again, probably not. No matter. They will continue without it. They cannot help but keep pushing. They grunt and strain, all their being striving towards the light, dreaming of the sun, knowing the day will come. And when it does, the brightest and most beautiful vibrant green energy takes solid form, and with a final shuddering thrust, the tiny shoot pushes up through the soil, and the plant announces its birth to the great wide world.
Romans & Buffy
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23). This verse is usually used to condemn sinners. In fact, what it is saying is that no matter what we may deserve, God has freely chosen to forgive us.
In an episode of the television show “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” the reformed vampire Angel is faced with all the evil things he has done. He decides that he deserves to die, and waits outside for the sun to rise (which will kill him). He asks Buffy, “Am I a thing worth saving? Am I a righteous man?” and later begs her to let him “be strong” and die.
But before they can even finish talking, snow begins falling (even though they are in Southern California). Miraculously, the sun does not come out at all that day. Although Angel knew that he did not deserve to live, that the wages of his sin is death, God does not let him die. Instead, God hides the sun, freely offering him another chance at life.
“Amends”
Written & Directed by Joss Whedon
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Season 3, Episode 10
It is my personal pledge that I will always use more Buffy illustrations than Bruce Almighty. You have my word as a preacher.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Wheaton/Soulforce Update
Dear Stasi,
I promised you a report on the recent visit to our campus of a group of gay activists. We can provide you more details later if you like, but for now let us settle for this early summary.
The occasion proved on one level to be rather uneventful. There were no unfortunate incidents, no other activists made an appearance, and the media gave the event only scant attention. All parties on both sides handled themselves not only civilly but graciously. The many issues were fully and freely aired with honesty and candor all around.
At a deeper level, however, I think this event has proved to be a significant one for Wheaton College. I cannot speak for our visitors, but for our part I think this episode turned out to be the very learning opportunity for which we had hoped.
Our task as Christians is to speak the truth in love, and it appears to me that we made progress during these two days on both sides of this tension. On the "truth" side, the impasse between the two positions was laid bare. And Wheaton upheld its commitment to the historic truth of the Bible, not to mention the monolithic testimony of two thousand years of church history, without waffling. Here we stood, for we could do no other.
Yet we also gained something on the "love" side of this tension. These visitors condemn us for maintaining an historic Christian stance on homosexuality. So what does this require of us in return? It cannot mean abandoning the truth. But it has served as a reminder to us all of our Lord's instruction to "bless those who curse you," and to "revile not in return."
"If you love only those who love you," Jesus asked, "what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:46-48).
These visitors were real people, with real stories, real struggles, and real needs. They are individuals our heavenly Father loves and for whom he gave his Son. According to Jesus, we are to emulate the Father's love. If we cannot do that, I found myself thinking during these last few days, then no matter how clearly we maintain the truth, we are just "a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal ... we are nothing ... it profits us nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
I want to thank all who expressed your willingness to pray for us. The Lord has used these events to remind us of what it means to uphold his truth in the face of some strong challenges, but to do it in love. Which means the Lord appears to have answered your prayers.
Duane Litfin
President
Wheaton College
I promised you a report on the recent visit to our campus of a group of gay activists. We can provide you more details later if you like, but for now let us settle for this early summary.
The occasion proved on one level to be rather uneventful. There were no unfortunate incidents, no other activists made an appearance, and the media gave the event only scant attention. All parties on both sides handled themselves not only civilly but graciously. The many issues were fully and freely aired with honesty and candor all around.
At a deeper level, however, I think this event has proved to be a significant one for Wheaton College. I cannot speak for our visitors, but for our part I think this episode turned out to be the very learning opportunity for which we had hoped.
Our task as Christians is to speak the truth in love, and it appears to me that we made progress during these two days on both sides of this tension. On the "truth" side, the impasse between the two positions was laid bare. And Wheaton upheld its commitment to the historic truth of the Bible, not to mention the monolithic testimony of two thousand years of church history, without waffling. Here we stood, for we could do no other.
Yet we also gained something on the "love" side of this tension. These visitors condemn us for maintaining an historic Christian stance on homosexuality. So what does this require of us in return? It cannot mean abandoning the truth. But it has served as a reminder to us all of our Lord's instruction to "bless those who curse you," and to "revile not in return."
"If you love only those who love you," Jesus asked, "what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:46-48).
These visitors were real people, with real stories, real struggles, and real needs. They are individuals our heavenly Father loves and for whom he gave his Son. According to Jesus, we are to emulate the Father's love. If we cannot do that, I found myself thinking during these last few days, then no matter how clearly we maintain the truth, we are just "a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal ... we are nothing ... it profits us nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
I want to thank all who expressed your willingness to pray for us. The Lord has used these events to remind us of what it means to uphold his truth in the face of some strong challenges, but to do it in love. Which means the Lord appears to have answered your prayers.
Duane Litfin
President
Wheaton College
Clarity
Well I should clear a few things up. The situation that caused me grief fortunately has nothing to do with the new church. In fact, we've done nothing there since the Eucharist debacle because of Holy Week busyness. They met this week (at Denny's! - which I later learned we're supposed to boycott because they have racist hiring policies? Also Cracker Barrel, because they have homophobic hiring policies? Anyway...) but I couldn't attend because J had our only car. So I'm once again out of the loop. *sigh*
Anyway, what I'm trying to tell you is that this situation was with Fuller people, if you can imagine. I mean, we're all in seminary - surely we've learned to be nice to one another by now! Actually, it's an expected situation - the pressure we are under for classes spilled out into an extra-curricular event that should have been low-key and turned into a big drama. So I got the boot from participating, and a piece of art I co-created with a very talented dancer goes off into oblivion. *sigh*
I've offered it to the chapel people. Maybe they'll bite.
Here is my quote o' the week, from class yesterday:
"You don't reach out to the poor to minister to them, you reach out to the poor to include them."
Yes! Take that, reach-out churches! Seriously, do we actually want the people we minister to sitting next to us in the pew? Or do we just go out and pat them and say "Jesus loves you, be at peace" - but we never invite them to join our community, never bring them into the fold, never insist even that they experience with us the transformative power of our worship?
'Cause let me tell you something, people. We can not do this alone. We cannot be Jesus alone. Sometimes we gotta step off and let Jesus be Jesus, straight up. And that means they've got to come to worship, where they meet God. We can't always take God out, or embody God for people. We have to bring them to the place where they meet God not through us but for real.
That's what worship is supposed to be.
Anyway, what I'm trying to tell you is that this situation was with Fuller people, if you can imagine. I mean, we're all in seminary - surely we've learned to be nice to one another by now! Actually, it's an expected situation - the pressure we are under for classes spilled out into an extra-curricular event that should have been low-key and turned into a big drama. So I got the boot from participating, and a piece of art I co-created with a very talented dancer goes off into oblivion. *sigh*
I've offered it to the chapel people. Maybe they'll bite.
Here is my quote o' the week, from class yesterday:
"You don't reach out to the poor to minister to them, you reach out to the poor to include them."
Yes! Take that, reach-out churches! Seriously, do we actually want the people we minister to sitting next to us in the pew? Or do we just go out and pat them and say "Jesus loves you, be at peace" - but we never invite them to join our community, never bring them into the fold, never insist even that they experience with us the transformative power of our worship?
'Cause let me tell you something, people. We can not do this alone. We cannot be Jesus alone. Sometimes we gotta step off and let Jesus be Jesus, straight up. And that means they've got to come to worship, where they meet God. We can't always take God out, or embody God for people. We have to bring them to the place where they meet God not through us but for real.
That's what worship is supposed to be.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
How to deal
How do you deal, as a Christian, with a bad situation in which you can see that things are quickly devolving, that it's not going to end well, and that there's nothing you can do to fix things because you're in over your head? How do you deal with a complete lack of grace and flexibility on the part of others? How do you handle stress that is beyond what you should have to deal with but you are committed to something that you believe in?
And then, you get yourself out of the situation. Out of the stress. Even gracefully. I tried to stay above it all, I tried hard to take the high ground. Oh, in another incarnation I'd have been such a bitch. I can answer bitch with bitch with the best of 'em.
But I bowed out as gracefully as I could because it seemed my very existence was demanding more than another could handle.
But you know what? I'm the one left with the tears and the disappointment, the hurt of rejection and the pain of something I've created being tossed away and not shared.
I know we all must prioritize. This is just the first time that something has gotten out of control. To where I couldn't fix it or make it better. I could only leave.
And they are happy I left, which hurts worst of all.
It's not so much the rejection or the nasty way it all fell apart. It's much more that I did have something I thought - and others thought, too - was worth sharing with the world. Now it goes away, as if it were never prepared.
J tells me I will save it and do it another time. Perhaps. But it will never be exactly the same. Art is never the same under new circumstances.
Hey, that reminds me of a good quote I heard today. I had the honor of joining a small group of students for a lunchtime discussion with Father Richard Rohr. And he quoted Einstein, saying, "No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that created it."
New consciousness, huh?
I guess the humility from Lent kicked in after all.
And then, you get yourself out of the situation. Out of the stress. Even gracefully. I tried to stay above it all, I tried hard to take the high ground. Oh, in another incarnation I'd have been such a bitch. I can answer bitch with bitch with the best of 'em.
But I bowed out as gracefully as I could because it seemed my very existence was demanding more than another could handle.
But you know what? I'm the one left with the tears and the disappointment, the hurt of rejection and the pain of something I've created being tossed away and not shared.
I know we all must prioritize. This is just the first time that something has gotten out of control. To where I couldn't fix it or make it better. I could only leave.
And they are happy I left, which hurts worst of all.
It's not so much the rejection or the nasty way it all fell apart. It's much more that I did have something I thought - and others thought, too - was worth sharing with the world. Now it goes away, as if it were never prepared.
J tells me I will save it and do it another time. Perhaps. But it will never be exactly the same. Art is never the same under new circumstances.
Hey, that reminds me of a good quote I heard today. I had the honor of joining a small group of students for a lunchtime discussion with Father Richard Rohr. And he quoted Einstein, saying, "No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that created it."
New consciousness, huh?
I guess the humility from Lent kicked in after all.
A letter from Wheaton
I received this by email today:
Dear Stasi,
I write to ask you for your prayers.
On Thursday and Friday of this week we will be visited by a group of homosexual activists traveling on a bus tour across the United States to various Christian college campuses. Their agenda is to draw negative media attention to institutions who maintain an historic biblical stand on the issue of homosexuality. This, of course, Wheaton does. (See Wheaton's Community Covenant) Hence our place on their list of targeted institutions.
We did not invite these visitors to our campus. But since they are intent on coming anyway, we decided to make a virtue out of a necessity by turning their coming into a teaching opportunity for our students. Given the ongoing changes in our culture, today’s students are potentially facing a lifetime of confrontations over the issue of homosexuality. What should be their Christian response? We have endeavored to prepare our students to respond to these visitors with the biblical balance captured in the injunction to “speak the truth in love.”
Wheaton’s provost, Dr. Stan Jones, a psychologist who has done extensive work in the area of human sexuality, has prepared a biblical rebuttal to the false teaching of this group. (See “CACE Resources on Homosexuality”) These and other written materials, along with various scheduled meetings and chapels, have been devoted to helping our students understand the many issues and shape a balanced Christian response. This process has been highly educational for all involved.
After this event is over, we will let you know how it went. In the meantime, please pray for us, asking that God will be glorified, His truth will be upheld with grace and humility, and our Christian witness to a watching world will be an effective one.
Thank you.
Duane Litfin
President
Wheaton College
Here is what I wrote in reply:
Dear Dr. Litfin,
I will indeed pray that hearts and minds at Wheaton will be changed, and the school, along with Christians in general, will stop persecuting our GLBT brothers and sisters in Christ. Wheaton has the opportunity to be at the forefront of important social change. In 100 years, I hope Wheaton will not be among those regretfully saying, "What were we thinking?" when we all look back on this situation (as do many Christians with the issues of slavery and ordination of women).
The group's teaching is sound and biblical and I pray that people will see past their biases to really encounter what the Bible does - and does not - say about homosexuality.
In the meantime, thank you for providing a hospitable welcome to the Soulforce Equality Riders, and for teaching the current students how to speak their minds with love. Of course, the many GLBT students at Wheaton (they were there during my time and no doubt are there now) will hopefully take heart when they meet Christians who love Jesus and have discovered that their sexuality does not conflict with their faith. I know I speak for many alumni when I say we are hoping and praying for the day when Wheaton will embrace GLBT students among its own.
I very much look forward to your report on the events.
Peace to all of you.
Stasi McAteer
Class of 1997
Now, some of you have alerted me to some great resources that I wish to share with my readers. The first is this yahoo group for GLBT Wheaties: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WheatonGLBT
And this blog which is full of heartbreaking and hopeful stories:
http://www.overflowmag.com/
Peace be upon all of the GLBT students struggling at Christian colleges, particularly my alma mater. And pox - I mean, Pax - upon the colleges as they struggle to find the way to compassion and truth. The real truth.
Dear Stasi,
I write to ask you for your prayers.
On Thursday and Friday of this week we will be visited by a group of homosexual activists traveling on a bus tour across the United States to various Christian college campuses. Their agenda is to draw negative media attention to institutions who maintain an historic biblical stand on the issue of homosexuality. This, of course, Wheaton does. (See Wheaton's Community Covenant) Hence our place on their list of targeted institutions.
We did not invite these visitors to our campus. But since they are intent on coming anyway, we decided to make a virtue out of a necessity by turning their coming into a teaching opportunity for our students. Given the ongoing changes in our culture, today’s students are potentially facing a lifetime of confrontations over the issue of homosexuality. What should be their Christian response? We have endeavored to prepare our students to respond to these visitors with the biblical balance captured in the injunction to “speak the truth in love.”
Wheaton’s provost, Dr. Stan Jones, a psychologist who has done extensive work in the area of human sexuality, has prepared a biblical rebuttal to the false teaching of this group. (See “CACE Resources on Homosexuality”) These and other written materials, along with various scheduled meetings and chapels, have been devoted to helping our students understand the many issues and shape a balanced Christian response. This process has been highly educational for all involved.
After this event is over, we will let you know how it went. In the meantime, please pray for us, asking that God will be glorified, His truth will be upheld with grace and humility, and our Christian witness to a watching world will be an effective one.
Thank you.
Duane Litfin
President
Wheaton College
Here is what I wrote in reply:
Dear Dr. Litfin,
I will indeed pray that hearts and minds at Wheaton will be changed, and the school, along with Christians in general, will stop persecuting our GLBT brothers and sisters in Christ. Wheaton has the opportunity to be at the forefront of important social change. In 100 years, I hope Wheaton will not be among those regretfully saying, "What were we thinking?" when we all look back on this situation (as do many Christians with the issues of slavery and ordination of women).
The group's teaching is sound and biblical and I pray that people will see past their biases to really encounter what the Bible does - and does not - say about homosexuality.
In the meantime, thank you for providing a hospitable welcome to the Soulforce Equality Riders, and for teaching the current students how to speak their minds with love. Of course, the many GLBT students at Wheaton (they were there during my time and no doubt are there now) will hopefully take heart when they meet Christians who love Jesus and have discovered that their sexuality does not conflict with their faith. I know I speak for many alumni when I say we are hoping and praying for the day when Wheaton will embrace GLBT students among its own.
I very much look forward to your report on the events.
Peace to all of you.
Stasi McAteer
Class of 1997
Now, some of you have alerted me to some great resources that I wish to share with my readers. The first is this yahoo group for GLBT Wheaties: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WheatonGLBT
And this blog which is full of heartbreaking and hopeful stories:
http://www.overflowmag.com/
Peace be upon all of the GLBT students struggling at Christian colleges, particularly my alma mater. And pox - I mean, Pax - upon the colleges as they struggle to find the way to compassion and truth. The real truth.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
It's almost here...
Good, good Good Friday. Oh, it was hard, though. I think I've entered Lent more fully than ever before this year. Part of it was fasting, so that when I thought about my hunger I thought about why I was hungry and then I thought about Lent and Jesus and the coming Passion. I've been mightily convicted about my pride over this season. It's not something I can fix overnight but I am trying to be more aware of all the sneaky ways it gets into me.
Yesterday's service was so moving. And I went to this new level of thinking about - no, pondering the cross. I've been uncomfortable with it for a while, not liking the whole situation, especially not agreeing with atonement penal substitution theories.
But yesterday I just gazed at a plain wood cross, and the choir sang a piece by Phineas somebody (music by Orlando Gibbons) that asked us what we had against God, and named all the things God had done for us, then reminded us that for our thanks we prepared a cross for him. ouch
Then we sang "Were you there?" which always gets me.
My main thing was that I am more perplexed than grateful. I honestly don't get it. I don't get what God did. Or why. There's no way I can get why. And to be truthful, I'm too bothered by that to even be able to be thankful for it. I know I'm supposed to be like, "We can never understand, but aren't we so glad" - but I'm not glad because I want to understand. Of course I do, that's why I'm in seminary.
But I know I won't. So I sit in the not understanding this year. And fortunately, I have many more years of Holy Weeks and Good Fridays to attend to, during which perhaps I will find the gratefulness. But this year, I'm just flummoxed. Which is just how it will be.
I seriously can't wait for tonight, though. I need Easter so bad this year.
One other thing: this meant so much to me. I'm putting in the movie now.
http://episcopalhospitalchaplain.blogspot.com/
Maybe you'll read this after the fact and it won't make the same impact. But we can remember Jesus' sacrifice any time, right?
Blessings, blessings upon you. Can I say it yet? Is he risen indeed?
Oh, it's so close I can almost taste it!
Yesterday's service was so moving. And I went to this new level of thinking about - no, pondering the cross. I've been uncomfortable with it for a while, not liking the whole situation, especially not agreeing with atonement penal substitution theories.
But yesterday I just gazed at a plain wood cross, and the choir sang a piece by Phineas somebody (music by Orlando Gibbons) that asked us what we had against God, and named all the things God had done for us, then reminded us that for our thanks we prepared a cross for him. ouch
Then we sang "Were you there?" which always gets me.
My main thing was that I am more perplexed than grateful. I honestly don't get it. I don't get what God did. Or why. There's no way I can get why. And to be truthful, I'm too bothered by that to even be able to be thankful for it. I know I'm supposed to be like, "We can never understand, but aren't we so glad" - but I'm not glad because I want to understand. Of course I do, that's why I'm in seminary.
But I know I won't. So I sit in the not understanding this year. And fortunately, I have many more years of Holy Weeks and Good Fridays to attend to, during which perhaps I will find the gratefulness. But this year, I'm just flummoxed. Which is just how it will be.
I seriously can't wait for tonight, though. I need Easter so bad this year.
One other thing: this meant so much to me. I'm putting in the movie now.
http://episcopalhospitalchaplain.blogspot.com/
Maybe you'll read this after the fact and it won't make the same impact. But we can remember Jesus' sacrifice any time, right?
Blessings, blessings upon you. Can I say it yet? Is he risen indeed?
Oh, it's so close I can almost taste it!
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Letter to the Editor
I was going to send this to my campus newspaper, but I've decided not to. Mostly because my teacher is letting me do a Maundy Thursday liturgy in class tonight, so I don't feel like I need to complain. However, I will happily post it here, since this is where I vent.
Starting now...
Reading the SEMI articles on the many traditions associated with Holy Week made me realize just how empty our Holy Week is at Fuller. The fact that we have to look to Jewish, Orthodox and Roman Catholic traditions for some kind of ritual surrounding the most important event in history is pretty pathetic. Yet it is not surprising. I will spend Maundy Thursday evening in class, when I should be in church remembering Jesus' last supper with his disciples, his new commandment of love, and his radical action of footwashing. This particular class had a extra amount of homework due in honor of the passion of our Lord.
Thanks to seminary piety, there were no classes on Friday (normally I would have one - althought this professor would have cancelled regardless). But the rest of the weekend not spent in church will be necessarily taken up with assignments due on Easter Monday. I do not even work for a church - I cannot imagine how busy I'd be in that case - I just like going to the various services that lead me through the passion of Christ (more effectively than any film could do).
The opening story of Greg Hall's piece - "Who died?" - could easily happen here at Fuller. The awareness of Holy Week (and Lent leading up to it) is abysmal, considering we are supposed to be followers of Jesus. We are training to lead people into deeper discipleship, stronger awareness of Jesus' life and what he did for them, and yet we almost completely ignore the week of the year that allows us to most fully enter into his suffering and death on our behalf. If the resurrection hadn't happened on a Sunday, I wonder if we would have class on Easter!
Do we care about Holy Saturday, Good Friday, and Maundy Thursday (a season known as Triduum) beyond the opportunity for sales on Cadbury eggs and Peeps? Do we celebrate Easter beyond ham glaze, egg hunts, and snarky comments about the "tourists" at worship? How can we, as a seminary, not be ashamed of ourselves for ignoring this most important and formative opportunity for entering into the story of our faith?
Prof. Todd Johnson calls Triduum the most intense days of the Christian year. He probably doesn't mean they are intense because of classes to attend and papers to write.
I challenge Fuller to follow the footsteps of many other theological schools and close from noon on Maundy Thursday until noon on Easter Monday. There is simply no excuse to deny Holy Week to students by holding classes when we should be in church. I suppose those of us who care could request excused absences for religious observance, like at secular universities, but that seems a little ridiculous when we're all supposed to have the same religious holidays. Maybe not everyone recognizes the Triduum, but it wouldn't hurt to try it out (seminary is a most opportune time to learn about the traditions of Christianity), and certainly it would be respectful of traditions - which are represented at Fuller - that do fully enter into Holy Week as part of their yearly observance.
It is truly depressing that Holy Week has been diminished instead of enhanced by my being in seminary. Fuller should recognize that Holy Week applies to its students, too - not just those wacky Jews, Orthodox, and Catholics. Then in the future, the SEMI can be full of stories of our own students' Holy Week experiences!
Starting now...
Reading the SEMI articles on the many traditions associated with Holy Week made me realize just how empty our Holy Week is at Fuller. The fact that we have to look to Jewish, Orthodox and Roman Catholic traditions for some kind of ritual surrounding the most important event in history is pretty pathetic. Yet it is not surprising. I will spend Maundy Thursday evening in class, when I should be in church remembering Jesus' last supper with his disciples, his new commandment of love, and his radical action of footwashing. This particular class had a extra amount of homework due in honor of the passion of our Lord.
Thanks to seminary piety, there were no classes on Friday (normally I would have one - althought this professor would have cancelled regardless). But the rest of the weekend not spent in church will be necessarily taken up with assignments due on Easter Monday. I do not even work for a church - I cannot imagine how busy I'd be in that case - I just like going to the various services that lead me through the passion of Christ (more effectively than any film could do).
The opening story of Greg Hall's piece - "Who died?" - could easily happen here at Fuller. The awareness of Holy Week (and Lent leading up to it) is abysmal, considering we are supposed to be followers of Jesus. We are training to lead people into deeper discipleship, stronger awareness of Jesus' life and what he did for them, and yet we almost completely ignore the week of the year that allows us to most fully enter into his suffering and death on our behalf. If the resurrection hadn't happened on a Sunday, I wonder if we would have class on Easter!
Do we care about Holy Saturday, Good Friday, and Maundy Thursday (a season known as Triduum) beyond the opportunity for sales on Cadbury eggs and Peeps? Do we celebrate Easter beyond ham glaze, egg hunts, and snarky comments about the "tourists" at worship? How can we, as a seminary, not be ashamed of ourselves for ignoring this most important and formative opportunity for entering into the story of our faith?
Prof. Todd Johnson calls Triduum the most intense days of the Christian year. He probably doesn't mean they are intense because of classes to attend and papers to write.
I challenge Fuller to follow the footsteps of many other theological schools and close from noon on Maundy Thursday until noon on Easter Monday. There is simply no excuse to deny Holy Week to students by holding classes when we should be in church. I suppose those of us who care could request excused absences for religious observance, like at secular universities, but that seems a little ridiculous when we're all supposed to have the same religious holidays. Maybe not everyone recognizes the Triduum, but it wouldn't hurt to try it out (seminary is a most opportune time to learn about the traditions of Christianity), and certainly it would be respectful of traditions - which are represented at Fuller - that do fully enter into Holy Week as part of their yearly observance.
It is truly depressing that Holy Week has been diminished instead of enhanced by my being in seminary. Fuller should recognize that Holy Week applies to its students, too - not just those wacky Jews, Orthodox, and Catholics. Then in the future, the SEMI can be full of stories of our own students' Holy Week experiences!
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
It paid off
Well my killing myself last quarter paid off. I got an A in the hardest class, that of Dr. Bartchy. A- in Gospels, which I shouldn't have, but I guess I was more stressed about the Bartchy class.
I don't know, does it really pay off to make yourself this exhausted? Did I tell you that I fell asleep at 9 last night, woke up at 3 for about an hour, then slept until 8 this morning? That's not normal is it? Well I haven't taken sleeping pills for several days. That is a warning right there - the fact that I'm sleeping so well without them is not normal. I've never been a sleeper all my life. Even as a baby I just stayed awake all the time. I must be tired.
Anyway, I have a little hooray for myself over my grades but mostly just a "well, yes, that's what I better get when I worked that hard, and I'm not entirely sure it was worth it" kind of feeling.
You know what? School is hard. I mean, it's not - obviously I do well at it. And I still enjoy it, or at least I know it's a privilege to be going. But it's really taking a toll on me. I guess I need a vacation.
Ironically, we're considering cancelling our vacation this summer, out of funding problems. But maybe I should rethink that. I might really need that time, mightn't I? Well if nothing else I should try to get to a retreat house for a week sometime.
Oh, i'm just wasting time now. Yours and mine.
I don't know, does it really pay off to make yourself this exhausted? Did I tell you that I fell asleep at 9 last night, woke up at 3 for about an hour, then slept until 8 this morning? That's not normal is it? Well I haven't taken sleeping pills for several days. That is a warning right there - the fact that I'm sleeping so well without them is not normal. I've never been a sleeper all my life. Even as a baby I just stayed awake all the time. I must be tired.
Anyway, I have a little hooray for myself over my grades but mostly just a "well, yes, that's what I better get when I worked that hard, and I'm not entirely sure it was worth it" kind of feeling.
You know what? School is hard. I mean, it's not - obviously I do well at it. And I still enjoy it, or at least I know it's a privilege to be going. But it's really taking a toll on me. I guess I need a vacation.
Ironically, we're considering cancelling our vacation this summer, out of funding problems. But maybe I should rethink that. I might really need that time, mightn't I? Well if nothing else I should try to get to a retreat house for a week sometime.
Oh, i'm just wasting time now. Yours and mine.
Leadership Autobiography
So for your amusement I'm going to post one of my assignments, a leadership autobiography. I think it's a rather dumb assignment. And I'm struggling because I'm taking the class pass/fail and so I don't feel like putting much effort into it. Yet I hate producing crap. Well you can see how I do when I'm writing for pass/fail instead of an A. With my luck, I'll still pull an A in the class and I'll wish I'd taken it for a grade. Oh well. Here are my random thoughts about leadership. A few decent things in there, mostly it's crap.
Like most people, I was originally given ideas about leadership by my parents. A significant lesson that I learned from my formative church was that women could not be leaders except in the kitchen and children’s departments (and even in the latter, a man oversaw the female Sunday School teachers). Yet my mother was a strong woman who frequently told me I could do anything I wanted to do, and I tended to listen to her rather than pay attention to the models at church. I learned from her how to subversively get your way from underneath male power structures.
During my junior high and high school years my dad was very influential in my life since he was my youth pastor and I spent nearly all my free time at church. Dad was beloved by all my friends (most of whom did not have fathers at home) because he was there for them and gave them positive experiences (youth camp, etc). I learned from him that leaders should be fun and available. Leaders didn’t have to be distant – they could be part of the gang and lead from within.
Also during this period of life I was thrust into a lot of leadership roles because I tended to excel at most things I tried – academics, school plays, band, church choir, etc. What I found was that when I did better than other people, they usually resented me for it. I experienced a lot of hatred and jealousy. I was constantly accused of being full of myself. I have no idea whether I really was or not, but I definitely learned that if one is naturally gifted she better not let on that she knows it, or she risks being ostracized.
When I moved to Los Angeles ten years ago, I was able to reinvent myself. I approach things more humbly now and try to be first a friend, letting my abilities reveal themselves rather than wearing them on my sleeve. It is still difficult to walk the fine line between acknowledging my gifts and not being stuck up about it. I’ve also become aware that I like to be in control of my life (which I got from Mom), and this can radiate out into wanting to inappropriately control situations at work, school, or church. I constantly struggle with wanting to enforce my own opinions against listening to others and valuing their thoughts (even though I may disagree or believe they have not thought through things as thoroughly as I have).
Fortunately, I’ve had some wonderful models of leadership in my work and church situations. I had a boss at USC, Michelle, who taught me the value of training her staff well then setting us free to do good work. I learned that I work best under a boss who allows me to make my own decisions and come up with original ideas for handling my tasks (sometimes failing, of course, but that was allowed). I also had a priest, Christopher, who was a genuine servant leader. He modeled a contemplative, deeply spiritual life toward which people gravitated. We all wanted the peace that he obviously had. And he taught it to us by training us in Christian practices such as prayer, meditation, and silence. He led us by living a life worth emulating.
On the negative side, I have already alluded to micro-managing, which is something that I do not agree with and do not believe brings out the best in people. I get extremely frustrated with people who need this sort of leadership – who do not take initiative or do not like to solve problems on their own. I have also had dishonest bosses who stole from their employees – obviously that was wrong, but the attitude behind it was what was really troublesome. They were basically selfish and materialist, seeing the company as more important than the workers. I believe this is an attitude many people – even in churches – can fall into. We must always remember that we lead human beings, not means to an end.
Recently I have become convinced that servant leadership, in which a pastor or church leader is a community member first and a leader second, is the best model. Yet I still believe strongly in the hierarchical structure of my church (Episcopal), where community members are called out to be leaders in gradually increasing responsibility: priests, bishops, and on up. We first choose these people, as a body, because they exhibit potential. Then we empower them with education and funding so they can devote their time to proclaiming God’s word, mediating the sacraments, and embodying God’s vision for the Church. The higher up the ecclesial ladder one goes, the more time, education, and experience we find, and therefore it is appropriate to have levels of leadership. It doesn’t mean these people are better than others, they are simply specialists.
I’ve come to believe this as I’ve been working with my church on discerning whether I should pursue ordination. The Episcopal/Anglican Church believes that leaders are called out by the entire congregation – no one can decide to pursue ordination on her own, no matter how strongly she feels called by God. So despite the fact that I am halfway through seminary and multiple people have confirmed my calling, I am very slowly going through the process of discernment with my church, jumping through their many hoops because I believe that the way they choose leaders is most appropriate. And if, God willing, I am ordained, it will be because the people of the Church chose me (along with God, of course!). It will be a decision made by the community at large, and that is something I will never have to question.
Like most people, I was originally given ideas about leadership by my parents. A significant lesson that I learned from my formative church was that women could not be leaders except in the kitchen and children’s departments (and even in the latter, a man oversaw the female Sunday School teachers). Yet my mother was a strong woman who frequently told me I could do anything I wanted to do, and I tended to listen to her rather than pay attention to the models at church. I learned from her how to subversively get your way from underneath male power structures.
During my junior high and high school years my dad was very influential in my life since he was my youth pastor and I spent nearly all my free time at church. Dad was beloved by all my friends (most of whom did not have fathers at home) because he was there for them and gave them positive experiences (youth camp, etc). I learned from him that leaders should be fun and available. Leaders didn’t have to be distant – they could be part of the gang and lead from within.
Also during this period of life I was thrust into a lot of leadership roles because I tended to excel at most things I tried – academics, school plays, band, church choir, etc. What I found was that when I did better than other people, they usually resented me for it. I experienced a lot of hatred and jealousy. I was constantly accused of being full of myself. I have no idea whether I really was or not, but I definitely learned that if one is naturally gifted she better not let on that she knows it, or she risks being ostracized.
When I moved to Los Angeles ten years ago, I was able to reinvent myself. I approach things more humbly now and try to be first a friend, letting my abilities reveal themselves rather than wearing them on my sleeve. It is still difficult to walk the fine line between acknowledging my gifts and not being stuck up about it. I’ve also become aware that I like to be in control of my life (which I got from Mom), and this can radiate out into wanting to inappropriately control situations at work, school, or church. I constantly struggle with wanting to enforce my own opinions against listening to others and valuing their thoughts (even though I may disagree or believe they have not thought through things as thoroughly as I have).
Fortunately, I’ve had some wonderful models of leadership in my work and church situations. I had a boss at USC, Michelle, who taught me the value of training her staff well then setting us free to do good work. I learned that I work best under a boss who allows me to make my own decisions and come up with original ideas for handling my tasks (sometimes failing, of course, but that was allowed). I also had a priest, Christopher, who was a genuine servant leader. He modeled a contemplative, deeply spiritual life toward which people gravitated. We all wanted the peace that he obviously had. And he taught it to us by training us in Christian practices such as prayer, meditation, and silence. He led us by living a life worth emulating.
On the negative side, I have already alluded to micro-managing, which is something that I do not agree with and do not believe brings out the best in people. I get extremely frustrated with people who need this sort of leadership – who do not take initiative or do not like to solve problems on their own. I have also had dishonest bosses who stole from their employees – obviously that was wrong, but the attitude behind it was what was really troublesome. They were basically selfish and materialist, seeing the company as more important than the workers. I believe this is an attitude many people – even in churches – can fall into. We must always remember that we lead human beings, not means to an end.
Recently I have become convinced that servant leadership, in which a pastor or church leader is a community member first and a leader second, is the best model. Yet I still believe strongly in the hierarchical structure of my church (Episcopal), where community members are called out to be leaders in gradually increasing responsibility: priests, bishops, and on up. We first choose these people, as a body, because they exhibit potential. Then we empower them with education and funding so they can devote their time to proclaiming God’s word, mediating the sacraments, and embodying God’s vision for the Church. The higher up the ecclesial ladder one goes, the more time, education, and experience we find, and therefore it is appropriate to have levels of leadership. It doesn’t mean these people are better than others, they are simply specialists.
I’ve come to believe this as I’ve been working with my church on discerning whether I should pursue ordination. The Episcopal/Anglican Church believes that leaders are called out by the entire congregation – no one can decide to pursue ordination on her own, no matter how strongly she feels called by God. So despite the fact that I am halfway through seminary and multiple people have confirmed my calling, I am very slowly going through the process of discernment with my church, jumping through their many hoops because I believe that the way they choose leaders is most appropriate. And if, God willing, I am ordained, it will be because the people of the Church chose me (along with God, of course!). It will be a decision made by the community at large, and that is something I will never have to question.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Man, I have gotten just so lazy
I don't want to do my work. I don't know if I'm taking a break or just being lazy. I keep trying to get out of more things.
You know what it is? I am completely freaking burnt out. I have no energy left. I am sleepy and unmotivated. Even things that should interest me - today I gave a monologue for homiletics from the point of view of Dinah; I have this upcoming dance/writing/video piece to perform - these things have become burdens. The thought of getting myself through this quarter...of making all the decisions, reading all the pages, writing the papers...it's completely exhausting.
It's last quarter's fault. If it hadn't been so damn hard I would be fine. But I've reached total seminary burnout. I thought it was bad when I was running on adrenaline for about 3 weeks straight, but no, this is worse. Coming down is harder. Finally I've let go of enough things and am letting myself have time, but I can't get enough time. I can't let go of enough things. I want more. More letting go, I mean.
God, won't it be great when I get to come home at night and just watch TV? Oh wait...that's what I do now. I can make myself work for a couple hours a day (plus classes, of course), and then I'm completely bored of it. Done. No more. And the weekends - I used to spend my entire weekend getting ahead for the coming week, reading my little ass off. Now I cannot make myself work. I wasted so much of this past weekend. I read the paper, I napped, I watched Arrested Development. I can't say I did much that was productive. I did buy groceries, first time in well over a month. So that's good. And I bought a lot of wine (God bless the Bevmo 5 cent sale). But there just wasn't much on the whole productivity radar.
And maybe that works for now, but someday very soon I have to get it in gear. I can't operate at this half-level for long.
What's weird is that I can't get excited about good things. My vacation this summer I'm supposed to be planning (although it's with my in-laws so you can see how I'm not super thrilled)…we're meeting in San Francisco, and just picking a hotel is making me have panic attacks. Or a trip to visit my niece and nephew, which I really want to do - but I don't want to deal with finding a ticket. Or even my birthday party, for which I have all these awesome ideas...but the idea of actually implementing them, actually doing something...ugh.
I'm becoming all ideas and no action.
Well on the plus side my monologue went very well. Only positive comments were allowed, so we all left feeling good about ourselves. Of course, what were my comments? What do I excel at? Drama. Of course. Thanks guys. I'm just the big drama queen. I evoke emotion, I ask tough questions, I give another point of view, I make the Bible personal. But mostly, I make drama. I guess I'm still just a screenwriter.
So I guess if I can harness this "gift" I'll be a durn captivating preacher, right?
Mostly I just watch the tape of myself and am amazed at the blob I’ve turned in to over the last 2 years. I used to have a shape. It’s scary.
OK I have to make myself do something. Oh, I think the 10 Commandments is coming on. Goodie.
You know what it is? I am completely freaking burnt out. I have no energy left. I am sleepy and unmotivated. Even things that should interest me - today I gave a monologue for homiletics from the point of view of Dinah; I have this upcoming dance/writing/video piece to perform - these things have become burdens. The thought of getting myself through this quarter...of making all the decisions, reading all the pages, writing the papers...it's completely exhausting.
It's last quarter's fault. If it hadn't been so damn hard I would be fine. But I've reached total seminary burnout. I thought it was bad when I was running on adrenaline for about 3 weeks straight, but no, this is worse. Coming down is harder. Finally I've let go of enough things and am letting myself have time, but I can't get enough time. I can't let go of enough things. I want more. More letting go, I mean.
God, won't it be great when I get to come home at night and just watch TV? Oh wait...that's what I do now. I can make myself work for a couple hours a day (plus classes, of course), and then I'm completely bored of it. Done. No more. And the weekends - I used to spend my entire weekend getting ahead for the coming week, reading my little ass off. Now I cannot make myself work. I wasted so much of this past weekend. I read the paper, I napped, I watched Arrested Development. I can't say I did much that was productive. I did buy groceries, first time in well over a month. So that's good. And I bought a lot of wine (God bless the Bevmo 5 cent sale). But there just wasn't much on the whole productivity radar.
And maybe that works for now, but someday very soon I have to get it in gear. I can't operate at this half-level for long.
What's weird is that I can't get excited about good things. My vacation this summer I'm supposed to be planning (although it's with my in-laws so you can see how I'm not super thrilled)…we're meeting in San Francisco, and just picking a hotel is making me have panic attacks. Or a trip to visit my niece and nephew, which I really want to do - but I don't want to deal with finding a ticket. Or even my birthday party, for which I have all these awesome ideas...but the idea of actually implementing them, actually doing something...ugh.
I'm becoming all ideas and no action.
Well on the plus side my monologue went very well. Only positive comments were allowed, so we all left feeling good about ourselves. Of course, what were my comments? What do I excel at? Drama. Of course. Thanks guys. I'm just the big drama queen. I evoke emotion, I ask tough questions, I give another point of view, I make the Bible personal. But mostly, I make drama. I guess I'm still just a screenwriter.
So I guess if I can harness this "gift" I'll be a durn captivating preacher, right?
Mostly I just watch the tape of myself and am amazed at the blob I’ve turned in to over the last 2 years. I used to have a shape. It’s scary.
OK I have to make myself do something. Oh, I think the 10 Commandments is coming on. Goodie.
Interesting Stuff
A commenter pointed me to this site, which is full of stories from my alma mater. It's really interesting.
http://www.overflowmag.com/
http://www.overflowmag.com/
Friday, April 07, 2006
Insights from Class Today
A few things we talked about in class today. Well first I have to say I was pleased because my entire class agreed with me on the goodness of communion weekly. But, they also helped me see a few ways it might, pastorally, be forgone:
1. People have deep traumas that rituals can cause to surface. Particularly with regards to abuse. Those words and the actions associated with them are powerful - I said today that we're really playing with fire in these rituals. On one hand, that is why they are so effective in transforming lives and connecting people to God. On the other, that is why they are dangerous.
2. People can feel weird, left out or spotlighted if they are the only ones not partaking. They may anticipate being questioned.
3. By taking Eucharist, the person is really signing on to what we are doing in the church. They can sit back and take in songs and a sermon as spectators (although at Thad's we don't want that, we want participation), but once they are asked to do something theological, they are affirming our beliefs.
So I guess all those could be problems. #1 can't be fixed by education, only therapy, and that requires a willingness to work on it, and people might not be ready for that. #2 & 3 can be helped by education and explanation, and a hospitable environment. I guess the main thing we have to remember is that at any given time we are dealing with a lot of baggage.
I subscribe to the theory that we should be a little smaller and more committed, but other people think we should be a "mile wide and an inch deep." That's certainly the mega-church philosophy.
Maybe if we could just convince people it's not all about them...
1. People have deep traumas that rituals can cause to surface. Particularly with regards to abuse. Those words and the actions associated with them are powerful - I said today that we're really playing with fire in these rituals. On one hand, that is why they are so effective in transforming lives and connecting people to God. On the other, that is why they are dangerous.
2. People can feel weird, left out or spotlighted if they are the only ones not partaking. They may anticipate being questioned.
3. By taking Eucharist, the person is really signing on to what we are doing in the church. They can sit back and take in songs and a sermon as spectators (although at Thad's we don't want that, we want participation), but once they are asked to do something theological, they are affirming our beliefs.
So I guess all those could be problems. #1 can't be fixed by education, only therapy, and that requires a willingness to work on it, and people might not be ready for that. #2 & 3 can be helped by education and explanation, and a hospitable environment. I guess the main thing we have to remember is that at any given time we are dealing with a lot of baggage.
I subscribe to the theory that we should be a little smaller and more committed, but other people think we should be a "mile wide and an inch deep." That's certainly the mega-church philosophy.
Maybe if we could just convince people it's not all about them...
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Disaster!
Well, not really, but I've been in full drama queen mode for about 12 hours now. We've had tears.
You see, last night I found out that I apparently am the only one who believes that it is important to do weekly Eucharist at our new church. Okay, that's probably an exaggeration. I am wearing my drama queen pants, after all (literally - I really do have drama queen pants and they are on).
Basically, when we were doing principles for worship, I recommended Scripture and Eucharist every week. That's it - all I asked. And the Scripture made it, but not everyone agrees that we need eucharist weekly. Including our leader. Which troubles me. A lot.
I think it's made me realize just how crucial sacramental theology has become to me. I might just draw the Christian/non-Christian worship line at celebrating the Table. It's really hard for me to think of a good, Biblical, theologically-sound reason not to do it.
But that's what I have you for, right? So if you were a person who wouldn't darken the door of a church (which is our target audience), would the Eucharist freak you out (do you know what it is? Do you want to?)? Would it make a difference if you were invited to join the meal? Would it make a difference if it were a full meal instead of mumbo-jumbo over bread and wine? Do you want us to put on a nice show with music and a talk or do you want to see the Christians throw down with our super life-changing transformation rituals? Are you curious about what we do that we call "sacrament," and why? Or could you care less, and it will make you not want to come watch?
One friend said the explanation he's heard over and over is that the Eucharist loses its "specialness" if it is "overdone." I said to him, "So you want to keep Jesus away from me so that I'll want him more?" See, to me, that's just mean.
Anyway, I should explain that the reason for all the drama isn't just my own liturgical nerdiness, isn't just my theology or my ecclesiology. Or even my ideas about salvation and ethics, both of which I believe are inexorably tied up in Communion. My drama stems from my heart breaking from the idea that I might attend a church where I don't get to have communion every week.
You see, I went to half-assed crap worship for 25 years of my life. I've been there, done that. Been to the church that tells only part of the story. Missed out on the signs and the symbols and, for the love of God, the MYSTERY. And I don't want to go back to that!!! I finally found a place where I am literally nourished on God, I ingest Jesus, week after week. And it's changed me. It's made a huge difference. In my worship and in how I live and in what I'm doing with my life - for crying out loud, I'm at seminary! A thought that never entered my mind prior to becoming Episcopalian!!
And if it is taken away...weeks when I don't have it, I feel emptier. I miss my spiritual food. I need my Jesus. And that is where I find God. In the sacrament. Not in the music, although God's there. Not in the Scripture, although God's there too. Not even in the preaching. No. God meets us in the sacraments, because that is why God inspired them.
I mean, we've had these wonderful access points - these windows to the supernatural - for 2,000 years. They work. Not every time, no, and not for every one. Sure. I admit that. But over time, they change you. You become more moral. You internalize the story of God. You see your neighbor differently. You see your church differently. It really is absolutely vital to formation as a disciple. I don't know how we'll be empowered to go out into the world and make a difference and spread the love of Jesus without having had our fix!
Yeah, I said fix. I might as well admit I'm talking about it like a drug. Sorry, it's hard not to. I'm a total addict.
Hi, my name is Stasi, and I'm a body-and-blood-of-Jesus-addict. Eucharistaholic.
You see, I think they might have some good reasoning. I think they might believe that Eucharist puts people off, or is not hospitable. So fine, don't fence the table - most Episcopal churches don't anyway, these days. Or make it an agape feast, full-on meal, and after supper, bless some bread & wine and we'll take it specially.
There's got to be a way to remove baggage surrounding the Eucharist. If it has baggage, we are sunk. If our Table (and Bath) have gotten to the point of inhospitality or irrelevancy or apathy, then we are truly doomed. Where will we find Jesus?
I know that any given week, half or more of the people taking Communion anywhere don't really know what they are doing. And maybe they're not getting anything out of it - maybe they don't meet God. But maybe they just need to be taught about what it is they are doing. Maybe the solution isn't to chuck it, but to make it better. Show people a hospitable, vital, relevant, engaging Eucharist.
Or maybe there is another way to get the same point across. It just seems a crying shame if we can't tell the story of God using the tools Jesus gave us. The way it's worked for so long. It was the first way of worship - or rather, the earliest way we know of. Gathering, Word, Table, Dismissal. It is by far the most historical and the most common way of doing Christian assembly.
Now I'm not against progression. Obviously. I hope it goes without saying. I believe God is showing us new things all the time - God's revealed new ways of thinking about slavery and women and gay and lesbian sisters and brothers. Yes. God is progressively revealing Godself to us, and I would even say, God learns more about us as we learn about God. We do this beautiful dance and we grow closer every year, second, millinea.
(*sniffle* we dance at communion *boo hoo*)
Well I have to get on with my day. But that is what is up. I cried hard and long last night. I'm pretty down today. I can't fathom going to a church without Eucharist. But the reason I am so distraught is because I am already so engaged with Thad's. It has gotten into my system. I want to be there - I want to be called there. I want to do my ordination process there and my internship there and I want to be part of the work. And so I grieve because I might be called to a place that doesn't love the sacrament, or I grieve because I might not be called there after all and that hurts a lot too. Just one more misunderstanding.
I feel not unlike the time I was rejected from the chapel thing. I have this beautiful gift of the liturgy that I just want to give people, I want to share with them, I want to teach them about. It changes your life. It teaches you how to live - how to love - how to be moral - how to find God. I just want to share it. And people keep slamming the door.
I don't know what's next. And that's fine. I need to throw myself into school anyway. It's already getting to be challenging. I'll just have to wait a little until I can have a beer with Jimmy and find out what he's thinking. I'll feel better when I know the reasoning. Then I can either answer it, ponder it, agree or disagree, educate myself or others...then I can do something.
And then I'll know whether this place is for me. Part of me thinks it would be a relief for it not to be (I could take a job making actual money, for instance)...but then there's that part that exploded when I just began to consider the possibility of leaving the team.
Whatever is in store? I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you. The Lord can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. So trust, and humility, are the order of the day. God, I need humility, and guidance, and I need to trust.
And I need drama queen just to be what's on my pants, not what's in my life.
You see, last night I found out that I apparently am the only one who believes that it is important to do weekly Eucharist at our new church. Okay, that's probably an exaggeration. I am wearing my drama queen pants, after all (literally - I really do have drama queen pants and they are on).
Basically, when we were doing principles for worship, I recommended Scripture and Eucharist every week. That's it - all I asked. And the Scripture made it, but not everyone agrees that we need eucharist weekly. Including our leader. Which troubles me. A lot.
I think it's made me realize just how crucial sacramental theology has become to me. I might just draw the Christian/non-Christian worship line at celebrating the Table. It's really hard for me to think of a good, Biblical, theologically-sound reason not to do it.
But that's what I have you for, right? So if you were a person who wouldn't darken the door of a church (which is our target audience), would the Eucharist freak you out (do you know what it is? Do you want to?)? Would it make a difference if you were invited to join the meal? Would it make a difference if it were a full meal instead of mumbo-jumbo over bread and wine? Do you want us to put on a nice show with music and a talk or do you want to see the Christians throw down with our super life-changing transformation rituals? Are you curious about what we do that we call "sacrament," and why? Or could you care less, and it will make you not want to come watch?
One friend said the explanation he's heard over and over is that the Eucharist loses its "specialness" if it is "overdone." I said to him, "So you want to keep Jesus away from me so that I'll want him more?" See, to me, that's just mean.
Anyway, I should explain that the reason for all the drama isn't just my own liturgical nerdiness, isn't just my theology or my ecclesiology. Or even my ideas about salvation and ethics, both of which I believe are inexorably tied up in Communion. My drama stems from my heart breaking from the idea that I might attend a church where I don't get to have communion every week.
You see, I went to half-assed crap worship for 25 years of my life. I've been there, done that. Been to the church that tells only part of the story. Missed out on the signs and the symbols and, for the love of God, the MYSTERY. And I don't want to go back to that!!! I finally found a place where I am literally nourished on God, I ingest Jesus, week after week. And it's changed me. It's made a huge difference. In my worship and in how I live and in what I'm doing with my life - for crying out loud, I'm at seminary! A thought that never entered my mind prior to becoming Episcopalian!!
And if it is taken away...weeks when I don't have it, I feel emptier. I miss my spiritual food. I need my Jesus. And that is where I find God. In the sacrament. Not in the music, although God's there. Not in the Scripture, although God's there too. Not even in the preaching. No. God meets us in the sacraments, because that is why God inspired them.
I mean, we've had these wonderful access points - these windows to the supernatural - for 2,000 years. They work. Not every time, no, and not for every one. Sure. I admit that. But over time, they change you. You become more moral. You internalize the story of God. You see your neighbor differently. You see your church differently. It really is absolutely vital to formation as a disciple. I don't know how we'll be empowered to go out into the world and make a difference and spread the love of Jesus without having had our fix!
Yeah, I said fix. I might as well admit I'm talking about it like a drug. Sorry, it's hard not to. I'm a total addict.
Hi, my name is Stasi, and I'm a body-and-blood-of-Jesus-addict. Eucharistaholic.
You see, I think they might have some good reasoning. I think they might believe that Eucharist puts people off, or is not hospitable. So fine, don't fence the table - most Episcopal churches don't anyway, these days. Or make it an agape feast, full-on meal, and after supper, bless some bread & wine and we'll take it specially.
There's got to be a way to remove baggage surrounding the Eucharist. If it has baggage, we are sunk. If our Table (and Bath) have gotten to the point of inhospitality or irrelevancy or apathy, then we are truly doomed. Where will we find Jesus?
I know that any given week, half or more of the people taking Communion anywhere don't really know what they are doing. And maybe they're not getting anything out of it - maybe they don't meet God. But maybe they just need to be taught about what it is they are doing. Maybe the solution isn't to chuck it, but to make it better. Show people a hospitable, vital, relevant, engaging Eucharist.
Or maybe there is another way to get the same point across. It just seems a crying shame if we can't tell the story of God using the tools Jesus gave us. The way it's worked for so long. It was the first way of worship - or rather, the earliest way we know of. Gathering, Word, Table, Dismissal. It is by far the most historical and the most common way of doing Christian assembly.
Now I'm not against progression. Obviously. I hope it goes without saying. I believe God is showing us new things all the time - God's revealed new ways of thinking about slavery and women and gay and lesbian sisters and brothers. Yes. God is progressively revealing Godself to us, and I would even say, God learns more about us as we learn about God. We do this beautiful dance and we grow closer every year, second, millinea.
(*sniffle* we dance at communion *boo hoo*)
Well I have to get on with my day. But that is what is up. I cried hard and long last night. I'm pretty down today. I can't fathom going to a church without Eucharist. But the reason I am so distraught is because I am already so engaged with Thad's. It has gotten into my system. I want to be there - I want to be called there. I want to do my ordination process there and my internship there and I want to be part of the work. And so I grieve because I might be called to a place that doesn't love the sacrament, or I grieve because I might not be called there after all and that hurts a lot too. Just one more misunderstanding.
I feel not unlike the time I was rejected from the chapel thing. I have this beautiful gift of the liturgy that I just want to give people, I want to share with them, I want to teach them about. It changes your life. It teaches you how to live - how to love - how to be moral - how to find God. I just want to share it. And people keep slamming the door.
I don't know what's next. And that's fine. I need to throw myself into school anyway. It's already getting to be challenging. I'll just have to wait a little until I can have a beer with Jimmy and find out what he's thinking. I'll feel better when I know the reasoning. Then I can either answer it, ponder it, agree or disagree, educate myself or others...then I can do something.
And then I'll know whether this place is for me. Part of me thinks it would be a relief for it not to be (I could take a job making actual money, for instance)...but then there's that part that exploded when I just began to consider the possibility of leaving the team.
Whatever is in store? I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you. The Lord can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. So trust, and humility, are the order of the day. God, I need humility, and guidance, and I need to trust.
And I need drama queen just to be what's on my pants, not what's in my life.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Miss you
Wow, I really miss writing here, and I miss so much your wonderful comments. I get so excited when I have a bunch of [feminary] emails in my inbox. I love to hear from you. I especially love it when we get going on a good topic. I have to think of something good and controversial to write about, eh?
It is absolutely pouring rain here today. It's cold too - like lower 60's. Which is cold! (see, I am already being controversial) Needless to say I am not getting quality biking time, which is severely limiting both my endurance build up (so I can ride to school) and my loss of weight. Bummer. And some time later today I have to walk 1/2 mile to the train station in this. Joy.
So much is going on, it's really hard to know where to start. I want to recommend a book that I read about in the LAT Book Review: The White Man's Burden: Why the West's Efforts to Aid the Rest Have Done So Much Ill and So Little Good by William Easterly. I know, it sounds depressing - and it is. Easterly basically takes Bono and the other "big dreamers" to task for not actually getting anything done in the two thirds world. He goes to many statistics showing how despite our rising aid to poor countries, they just keep getting worse. And he says the answer lies in grassroots, long-term, non-glamorous helping by established organizations. Which I think is probably true. It's a good corrective to our idea that wearing a wristband actually does anybody any good.
With my saved grocery money from the Lent fast (which I did okay on) I'm going to see about some seeds or tools or animals from ER-D. I commend them to you. In fact, for my birthday (coming up one month from yesterday!), if you love me, you could get a family a pig or chicken. Hmmm....I shall have to see what touches me the most then I'll let you know. Anyway, check out the Gifts for Life Catalog and get something in honor of a friend or a special Easter gift in honor of your Lenten discipline (because come on, how many Cadbury Creme Eggs and Peeps do you really need? I can vouch for the pain in the tummy brought on by Easter indulgence).
Okay, what else? Oh, things are still moving along for Thad's. We've been working on a set of principles for the church (oops, we're not supposed to call it a church - but I'm lazy). J and I have actually been doing a ton of discussion about ministry and mission - it's exciting how this project has sparked in both of us a real desire to clarify our theology on these topics. And I'll let you in on something - I am so proud of him. Usually we cannot work together. But somehow we are seeing eye-to-eye on everything. And he's brilliant on this stuff. He really thinks through the ramifications. He needs to be in ministry, that's all there is to it. He's too good at it not to.
And I am happy because it seems like some kind of mission for the two of us is taking shape - some kind of direction to point ourselves in. We have similar goals - but they are complimentary. J wants to teach people how to transform themselves into "love-spreading difference-makers" (as our priest would say) by use of disciplines and education, and I want to teach them how to practice and internalize their discipleship in worship.
We've always dreamed of having a house on the outskirts of a college campus where students could live a monastic kind of life while attending school. J would talk philosophy and theology with them and I'd lead daily prayers and provide spiritual direction. We'd share meals and do service to the community. Lately it's grown into a more inter-faith/seeker project - not for Christians necessarily, but for anyone who wants to live in a philosophically questioning spiritually charged environment.
You think we can do this?
Well it's the dream, anyway. We pray it will happen.
Meanwhile, I work on my MDiv and J on his PhD. He teaches and he looks for something full-time. He's got it in his head that right now he wants to work at Christian colleges so he can subversively change people from cheesy into serious. And I do my interfaith work, which I love, and I learn as much as I can about worship. And we both do this Thad's project, by which we are making our personal beliefs razor-sharp as we compare and contrast them to the larger picture.
Actually, my classes this quarter (now that they've settled) are really quite perfect for this work. Homiletics is teaching me to think deeply about God's word to her people. Empowering the People of God is a no-brainer - it's all about how to create disciples out of ordinary Christians. And finally Ancient-Future Worship is teaching me so much - the point of the class is to explore what was going on in different periods of history, worship-and-culture-wise, and see which point(s), if any, best fit today, so that that period's worship can be brought into use again. I get to read cool books like Postman's Technopoly and one called Bowling Alone which is about our loss of community. Fun stuff.
Anyway, here is what I am figuring out. I care deeply about the community within the church. Yes, I care about people outside it too, of course. But I don't believe we can be effective missionaries until we are whole and supported from the inside. J always says you have to change yourself before you can change other people. And that we should be a community that loves one another so well that we look around and say Wow - everyone here is loved so well and we still have all this love to give - let's spill it out into the world!
See, I think that's really more like the early churches. They did good deeds, to be sure. But they also were devoted to one another. Whether or not they actually lived communally, they definitely shared resources. People believed what they said about Jesus not because they were great preachers or did miracles or even because of their charity work. People believed them because of their love for each other. To form a group that was so devoted to one another, outside of a family structure, was simply unheard of. And to have them all see themselves as siblings, with no Father figure (save God in heaven), was truly weird. But it worked. See, I think people knew they were Christians...well...by their love. And that made their testimony about Jesus effective.
It will make ours that way too. I just want to create beautiful communities that will be so full of love that people will be banging down the doors to get in and share it. I know that's against the emergent idea of "going out not bringing in", but I think it's where I stand.
Wow, this has gotten so rambly. I really need to get on with my day. Anyway, hope this gives some food for thought. I'd love to hear about your approaches to missions and ministry.
It is absolutely pouring rain here today. It's cold too - like lower 60's. Which is cold! (see, I am already being controversial) Needless to say I am not getting quality biking time, which is severely limiting both my endurance build up (so I can ride to school) and my loss of weight. Bummer. And some time later today I have to walk 1/2 mile to the train station in this. Joy.
So much is going on, it's really hard to know where to start. I want to recommend a book that I read about in the LAT Book Review: The White Man's Burden: Why the West's Efforts to Aid the Rest Have Done So Much Ill and So Little Good by William Easterly. I know, it sounds depressing - and it is. Easterly basically takes Bono and the other "big dreamers" to task for not actually getting anything done in the two thirds world. He goes to many statistics showing how despite our rising aid to poor countries, they just keep getting worse. And he says the answer lies in grassroots, long-term, non-glamorous helping by established organizations. Which I think is probably true. It's a good corrective to our idea that wearing a wristband actually does anybody any good.
With my saved grocery money from the Lent fast (which I did okay on) I'm going to see about some seeds or tools or animals from ER-D. I commend them to you. In fact, for my birthday (coming up one month from yesterday!), if you love me, you could get a family a pig or chicken. Hmmm....I shall have to see what touches me the most then I'll let you know. Anyway, check out the Gifts for Life Catalog and get something in honor of a friend or a special Easter gift in honor of your Lenten discipline (because come on, how many Cadbury Creme Eggs and Peeps do you really need? I can vouch for the pain in the tummy brought on by Easter indulgence).
Okay, what else? Oh, things are still moving along for Thad's. We've been working on a set of principles for the church (oops, we're not supposed to call it a church - but I'm lazy). J and I have actually been doing a ton of discussion about ministry and mission - it's exciting how this project has sparked in both of us a real desire to clarify our theology on these topics. And I'll let you in on something - I am so proud of him. Usually we cannot work together. But somehow we are seeing eye-to-eye on everything. And he's brilliant on this stuff. He really thinks through the ramifications. He needs to be in ministry, that's all there is to it. He's too good at it not to.
And I am happy because it seems like some kind of mission for the two of us is taking shape - some kind of direction to point ourselves in. We have similar goals - but they are complimentary. J wants to teach people how to transform themselves into "love-spreading difference-makers" (as our priest would say) by use of disciplines and education, and I want to teach them how to practice and internalize their discipleship in worship.
We've always dreamed of having a house on the outskirts of a college campus where students could live a monastic kind of life while attending school. J would talk philosophy and theology with them and I'd lead daily prayers and provide spiritual direction. We'd share meals and do service to the community. Lately it's grown into a more inter-faith/seeker project - not for Christians necessarily, but for anyone who wants to live in a philosophically questioning spiritually charged environment.
You think we can do this?
Well it's the dream, anyway. We pray it will happen.
Meanwhile, I work on my MDiv and J on his PhD. He teaches and he looks for something full-time. He's got it in his head that right now he wants to work at Christian colleges so he can subversively change people from cheesy into serious. And I do my interfaith work, which I love, and I learn as much as I can about worship. And we both do this Thad's project, by which we are making our personal beliefs razor-sharp as we compare and contrast them to the larger picture.
Actually, my classes this quarter (now that they've settled) are really quite perfect for this work. Homiletics is teaching me to think deeply about God's word to her people. Empowering the People of God is a no-brainer - it's all about how to create disciples out of ordinary Christians. And finally Ancient-Future Worship is teaching me so much - the point of the class is to explore what was going on in different periods of history, worship-and-culture-wise, and see which point(s), if any, best fit today, so that that period's worship can be brought into use again. I get to read cool books like Postman's Technopoly and one called Bowling Alone which is about our loss of community. Fun stuff.
Anyway, here is what I am figuring out. I care deeply about the community within the church. Yes, I care about people outside it too, of course. But I don't believe we can be effective missionaries until we are whole and supported from the inside. J always says you have to change yourself before you can change other people. And that we should be a community that loves one another so well that we look around and say Wow - everyone here is loved so well and we still have all this love to give - let's spill it out into the world!
See, I think that's really more like the early churches. They did good deeds, to be sure. But they also were devoted to one another. Whether or not they actually lived communally, they definitely shared resources. People believed what they said about Jesus not because they were great preachers or did miracles or even because of their charity work. People believed them because of their love for each other. To form a group that was so devoted to one another, outside of a family structure, was simply unheard of. And to have them all see themselves as siblings, with no Father figure (save God in heaven), was truly weird. But it worked. See, I think people knew they were Christians...well...by their love. And that made their testimony about Jesus effective.
It will make ours that way too. I just want to create beautiful communities that will be so full of love that people will be banging down the doors to get in and share it. I know that's against the emergent idea of "going out not bringing in", but I think it's where I stand.
Wow, this has gotten so rambly. I really need to get on with my day. Anyway, hope this gives some food for thought. I'd love to hear about your approaches to missions and ministry.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Faith Jam
Do check out the comment by Shawn Landres under this post.
You will see more details and good info on the Faith Jam. I know, it's kind of a dorky name. But I think it's going to be cool. Spread the word. It's free!
(I was told by someone in the know that the 100 seats reserved for Christians aren't going too fast...so let's have some presence!)
You will see more details and good info on the Faith Jam. I know, it's kind of a dorky name. But I think it's going to be cool. Spread the word. It's free!
(I was told by someone in the know that the 100 seats reserved for Christians aren't going too fast...so let's have some presence!)
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