Sunday, April 22, 2007

Think I'm better

I mean, I'm stressed at the moment, but that's just because Schleiermacher is so freaking hard to understand. What is UP with that man??

But I went to my internship evaluation session, and it was like night and day compared to the fall's interview. I am finally coming out of it, I think - the funk, the fear, the depression, the over-work. The wondering if God is there and loves me. The wondering what I've done with my life and why.

Yeah, I think I've got some purpose now. I've got some bona fide rest under my belt and some real practice at contemplation and quiet. I've learned to be still...somewhat. A lot better than I used to be.

So yeah, things are better. I feel like I've got control - there's a lot going on, but it's not spinning me around. I mean, I don't need control, and in some areas (ordination, hello) I have completely relinquished it. But for the most part, I can handle what's in front of me, I'm getting real good at saying no, and I'm letting things go by that aren't my responsibility and not trying to solve them. Ah. That feels good.

Oh, and Hot Fuzz is the funniest freaking thing I've seen in ages.

2 comments:

Ally said...

...the funk, the fear, the depression, the over-work. The wondering if God is there and loves me. The wondering what I've done with my life and why.

Wow. I can so relate to this. I'm glad we're both out of it. In the middle of all this stuff, it's so hard to remember that you're not the only person suffering on the planet.

When finals hit, I'll think about you. =) Enjoy the peaceableness!

JTB said...

Hmmm. My experience with Schleiermacher is, keep reading him. Something will click and then he starts making SO much sense. One of the most systematic of theologians I've ever read. Just keep going till that magical thing happens in your brain where you've entered someone else's thought world. It's like language immersion...