|12||So then, these are the wicked; * |
always at ease, they increase their wealth.
|13||In vain have I kept my heart clean, * |
and washed my hands in innocence.
|14||I have been afflicted all day long, * |
and punished every morning.
|15||Had I gone on speaking this way, * |
I should have betrayed the generation of your children.
|16||When I tried to understand these things, * |
it was too hard for me;
|17||Until I entered the sanctuary of God * |
and discerned the end of the wicked.
|18||Surely, you set them in slippery places; * |
you cast them down in ruin.
|19||Oh, how suddenly do they come to destruction, * |
come to an end, and perish from terror!
|20||Like a dream when one awakens, O Lord, * |
when you arise you will make their image vanish.
|21||When my mind became embittered, * |
I was sorely wounded in my heart.
|22||I was stupid and had no understanding; * |
I was like a brute beast in your presence.
|23||Yet I am always with you; * |
you hold me by my right hand.
|24||You will guide me by your counsel, * |
and afterwards receive me with glory.
|25||Whom have I in heaven but you? * |
and having you I desire nothing upon earth.
|26||Though my flesh and my heart should waste away, * |
God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.
|27||Truly, those who forsake you will perish; * |
you destroy all who are unfaithful.
|28||But it is good for me to be near God; * |
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge.
|29||I will speak of all your works * |
in the gates of the city of Zion.
Here is why I like this psalm: it is about worship, preaching, and depression. It's about me.
vs. 1-9: it seems like everybody else is better off than me. I want to be like those who aren’t sensitive and who don’t mind if they hurt someone. They are strong. I am weak.
vs. 10-12: everybody admires them, even though they hurt them. They are well loved, despite their pride.
vs. 13-14: I’m stupidly trying to do the right thing and I get hurt for it. I am worse off for it! I’m so freaking depressed.
vs. 15: but if I really believe what I’m thinking, I’m going to be a sucky preacher.
vs. 16-20: so I went to worship, and there I found the truth: that the world is upside down, and the liturgy shows us the world as it truly is.
vs. 21-25: all those things I said before, when I was depressed, were ignorant. I only need God’s approval and love. Nothing else is needed for my happiness.
vs. 26-29: no matter how bad things get, my weakness can rest in God’s strength. No matter how bad other people are to me, I can leave them to God, they are in God’s hands. And I can declare the love and protection of my Mother in Heaven – and my preaching won’t suck anymore.
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