It's my life

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/15/magazine/15parenting-t.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

(thanks jtb)

i agree with the idea that, instead of trying to share all our work equally, we allow each partner to focus on what s/he enjoys or excels at. or at least hates less (in the case of chores). so I always clean the bathroom, & j does dishes. but we alternate sweeping (when you notice, you do it). j cooks but we shop together as much as we can, because we both enjoy it. obviously I feed the baby more, so he changes more diapers. he does more housework, but I do all the finances & make dr appts (which we both attend - so far). it works out & doesn't have to be equal - just fair.

i hope when the time comes, i'll make costumes & he'll run the video camera, b/c that's what we are each good at. my biggest hope is that we can find employers, like these parents in the article, who will support our choices as co-parents, and allow us to have these 30 hour weeks (or even more home-time) so that we can accomplish this. i guess a lot of it is just making it clear that this is the priority from the outset! like right now, we have our lives arranged so that maggie is always home with one of us, unless we're having "me" time or date night, in which case a friend is watching her. fortunately academia is one of those fields where you really can mostly set your own hours, and a lot of your work can be done from home. dunno how well that would work in the ministry...but then again, the church, of all institutions, should most be supporting this, since it is part of sustaining a "whole" personhood!

anyway i applaud these parents' choices and what i can learn from them, and I think we have a similar system that works well for us. [even if you can't read the whole thing, skip to p 8 where it discusses how same-sex couples don't fall into gender roles - how interesting and true!] I hope we can keep it up. And you see from my post yesterday that I still long for the "traditional" role - this co-parenting thing is out of the box and it's tough!