Friday, September 24, 2004

Now is the right time

I think it might be a good time to be at feminary. The women I am meeting are fired up. They are excited about being leaders. They love to preach and teach. They want to change things. They are not content.

I met a priest from the nearby episcopal church, who offered me spiritual direction. This is a direct answer to prayer. She also asked me to sing for her services, and said I answered a prayer she'd offered asking God for a new student at my school who would be able to participate. Possibly a coincidence. But interesting that we met, and happened to talk about the right things, and happened to offer each other the right part of ourselves that met the other's need.

I visited a great used bookstore and got my Greek-English Lexicon for $25! This is a $100 book. That was a thrill. I also got a shirt with my school's name on it, at the official bookstore that is, on sale. I am a sucker for a bargain.

Speaking of the bookstore, the staff at mine was quite poorly trained. Their "help" only made things more confusing and complicated. Being frightened and feeling out of control, I reverted to a rather demanding - dare I say bitchy? - side of myself. Incompetence drives me up the wall.

But then I visited a Taize service, which is one that offers great periods of silence for reflection. And I realized that in the eternal scheme of things, I probably was pretty petty. I figured out the situation on my own and there was really no need to dwell on the mistakes of others. Then I thought about how they were playing the music too quickly, and how out of place the little tribal drum was in such a service. Ah, my real nature returns. That saintly moment lasted all of 30 seconds. Brought to you by the fine monks of Taize.

Where have I ended up now? I began by celebrating my sisters in seminary and have turned to a self-examination. Such are the thoughts of those who seek God. One minute we are amazed by the world around us, by the creatures and our own marvelousness, by the creator who gave it all. Then the next we realize how utterly unimportant and unworthy we are in the scheme of this, in the eyes of one so magnificent. The life of God work is necessarily contemplative. How incomplete we would be without knowing ourselves! Without knowing our own nature, how could we possibly understand another's, let alone that of the eternal One.

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