Thursday, February 24, 2005

About those "evil desires"...

I just wanted to finish up the discussion about my wandering eyes by reassuring everyone that in fact I'm over it. This is actually what always happens: I get restless, I wish for those "first time" feelings again, I tell my husband about it (that's key), when it's appropriate and we're close enough I tell the person I feel them for, and then in a few hours or days, I come home and see my husband and it pretty much all melts away.

I've been enjoying the lively discussion so I've been arguing for the way I felt earlier in the week, even though it was pretty much just that one day. But I want to let you know that you need not worry for the state of my immortal soul nor my mortal marriage, as both are in fine condition.

I like blogging because of the immediacy of it - the fact that you can write what you're feeling at an exact moment of time, and the neat little time stamp will record the time you felt that way. But of course our lives are constantly moving and changing, and so I thought I should bring you up to speed.

I wrote about my temptation because I want married people who've felt the same way to know they are not alone. We all struggle with this - I think it's an absolutely normal part of married life. The human being is a sensuous creature, and we long for excitement. But we also treasure the warmth, safety, and intimacy of our committed relationships. Being with one person only is difficult and requires a lot of work - even if you're deeply in love. An important part of the work is always being honest with ourselves and with each other.

And so if we are fortunate enough to be married to a person who understands all this, we will pretty much always go back. Thanks be to God.


Anonymous said...

I just discovered your blog yesterday and spent few hours reading the archives.

Thought-provoking stuff.

You had a lot to say about advent — I'd like to hear what you have to say about Lent.


Anonymous said...

I've been away for a while, but wanted to tell you how much those posts meant.

I've been married for nearly 12 years now, and I'm really struggling with my feelings of "Is this all there is?"

Recently, I've developed an attraction to another man, and it's driving me crazy that I feel it--even at the same time that I love feeling it.

I've tried so hard to order my life so that I don't spend time with other men---trying to "proof" myself, if you will, against temptation. I won't give in to it, of course---but the good Lord knows that I want to, even if no one else does.

My husband is a lovely man, a great friend, and an excellent father---but he cannot (or will not) meet every need I have, and this is a hard truth to swallow.

Thank you for your honest talk. It helps to know that I am not alone.