Sunday, January 29, 2006

AWOL

Hey, all, sorry I've been gone. I have great posts brewing in my head - a response to that ridiculous senator from the Rolling Stone article, some thoughts about Hamas' new role as governers, and a list of my favorite movies from the year, because here, it's all about me.

I will tell you that Friday night I went to see The New World. I am not exaggerating when I say it may have been the best film I have ever seen. Certainly it shot to the top of my all-time best list. It was one of those magical spiritual experiences that you so rarely get to have at the movies (I think my last was Contact). It puts you in this trance state (at least if you have the patience for it - I've never been in a theater that more people walked out of at various times in the film, and I'm told that's been the experience of others as well), and before you know it you're floating along kind of meditating and just taking it all in.

But there was more than just the Zen quality to recommend it. The two other things that hit me hardest (and by that I mean set me to wild sobbing) were what I learned about God and about women. Throughout our main heroine refers to God as Mother, and as her story progresses she learns more about Mother and how to live her life in accord with the universe (such as having a humble heart, learning to truly love above lust, finding the face of God in nature, kindness and joy in all things, etc., etc.). As a person who's been trying to get myself to see God's feminine side (or at least not always as a man), it was hugely powerful. When she prayed, I prayed with her. She said what I want to say and did things I wish I was strong enough to do. Plus it's just so freaking empowering!

So the other thing is that our heroine eventually learns to love herself and choose for herself the best possible world. I don't want to give too much away, but let's just say she gains her freedom by the end of the movie - she finally is able to make her own choice. And even if it's not what you expect or want, you're just so damn happy for her that it's wonderful. I wanted to give her a big hug and say You Go Girl!

Of course J had lots to say about her being a symbol of America (so he loved my interp about her finding freedom in the end - because he couldn't figure out the ending!), but I didn't really want to hear it. When I have an experience like that, I need to just treasure it on the visceral level for a while without overanalyzing it. So, to sum up, it is a thing of great majesty and beauty. It is slow and not for most people. But if you're in a place similar to me (and a lot of you, I know, are), then it just might be a wonderful thing to do for yourself.

Okay, wow, so I didn't intend to write this much. You see, yesterday afternoon I came down with a sudden fever and I've been basically sleeping ever since. Like I try to read and I can't keep my eyes open. I lost the whole weekend's study time which is really bad this time of the quarter - usually these illnesses hit around finals week, not so early. I must be way stressed this time.

It's just the fever, no other symptoms (besides the utter exhaustion), so I figure it won't last too long. But I'm now officially behind. I have no energy to write the paper that is due Tuesday, much less read the several hundred pages due in the next couple days. It's weird - you think you're sick, so you'll lay in bed and read. But no, I can't comprehend what I'm reading. And then I just get exhausted and have to sleep again. The fever came down a little but it's still really uncomfortable.

So this was my one time at the computer all weekend and I have to go rest now for sure. Would you believe that the paper I had to write was analyzing a worship service, and so I had to go to church this morning?? Oh, I was so sick in there. It was pretty miserable. I wished so much not to have to go (because it also involves a long drive both ways), but it was good of course, and it will make my paper really good. Maybe I will post that later, because I shouldn't be taking the time to do normal posts this week.

Okay, you all take care!

2 comments:

Jenny said...

I hope you feel better soon! Losing study time is very frustrating.

I had no interest in in The New World but now I'm seriously considering seeing it. (I mean, Colin Farrell + oft-retold fable of Americana = BORING, even if Malick is super awesome or whatever.)

I'll add it to the list of nominees I still need to see.

The Feminarian said...

Hey, it's boring - I'm not going to pretend it's not. You have to have a high tolerance for boring. Or be able to slip into semi-conscious meditation which is I think what I did. If you think looking at pretty pictures of nature and veeeeeery slow plot is a good time, then you'll be fine. Somehow, it worked its magic on me, but I'm not paying anybody for what they waste on tickets b/c I'm warning you now that it's not for everybody. :)