I'm melllllting

Gawd, is it ever hot. And no, cat, it's not a good time to cuddle. My friend said that pregnancy makes you go down 20 IQ points and your temp go up 20 degrees. Am really feeling that in our fun 100-degree May weather right now.

I've been having annoying bouts with insomnia, too. I was really proud of myself because I only have to get up twice to pee most nights, which has to be some kind of record for a 9-months pregnant woman. But now after my first bathroom visit (anywhere from 11:45-1:45) I stay awake for a good hour or so following. Now this is considered normal, because by this point you're usually uncomfortable or obsessing about the nursery colors or whatever. Problem with my life is that I am awake not thinking about fun things like preschools and pediatricians, but instead whether I'll have a place to live in 2 months, and whether I'll have health insurance in 2 weeks (yes, despite the contract going through, the benefits have been cancelled and cranking up that engine again is going way too slowly for my comfort level). I mean, these are really not issues that any new mommy should have to have on her mind. I want my stress factors to be cloth or disposable? and how the hell am I going to squeeze this giant creature out of my rather sensitive little nether regions??

So that's a bummer. I try not to think about it but in the middle of the night you get bored and so worries creep in. I mean, even Jesus would go pray all night sometimes, and I'll bet you now & then it was about stuff that gave him anxiety. Oh sure, he'd be all "Don't worry about what you'll eat or wear" during the daylight hours, but come on, he had to get a little bit nervous now and then in the wee hours when one feels most vulnerable. Dude didn't even know where he'd be sleeping most nights, when he actually slept. I dunno, it gives me comfort to think of things tripping up Jesus, of him giving in to that all-too-human need to obsess now and then. Maybe he never did. But seems like that would make him not so much like us. Or at least like me.

Not that the savior should be like me. God help us all if that were true!

Anyway, I'm still on the search for someone to share this house with us in Berkeley. We are so lucky to have found it and it's such a great deal. I can't believe we don't have people banging down the door. I think people just haven't realized yet what the market is like up there. They'll be sorry when it's mid-August and they wind up with a 19-year-old pot-smoking roommate in a 500-sq-ft studio because they didn't think they wanted to pay less than market for a freaking full house. I mean geez.

I gotta keep the faith. God provided the house. God will provide the roommate. And just the right one. Just gotta keep praying for him/her to find us. Someone into babysitting would just be the final sign that, indeed, we are truly beloved of the Almighty.

Today there were baptisms at church, and ironically I have baptism papers to grade and should be doing that instead of this. And I will, soon. It's just so hard for me to get motivated. Goes with the loss of IQ/up of temperature thing. Plus I'm tired of grading, and of working in general. I was supposed to be taking it easy this last quarter, and here the quarter is almost over, and I have nearly no leisure time to show for it! I feel like my life hasn't remotely slowed down. What gives? I was going to be all blissed-out and yogified, into my meditation and reading books for pleasure. Instead I've had tons of singing engagements, too much work for my profs (I finally asked to be released from some of that work), and mostly have been dealing with the details of what needs to happen too quickly after I've given birth, when I will undoubtedly have no brainpower whatsoever.

And then what do I do? I go to church this morning and am all, sure, Barry, I'll write prayers for the service next week! Why not? Sounds fun!

20 points dumber. Just remember that.

Another sign of the dumb: we got terrifically lost on the way to church this morning. A church we've been attending for 8 years. Now I have the baby brain excuse, but I wasn't driving. Still, what a fantastic blowout that turned into. We've got to learn to turn down the volume a few notches before there's a screaming infant in the back seat. Or just learn how to navigate freeway detours.

Oh, I do have to say the they've been reading parts of the revised Eucharistic prayer I wrote in this service, and there is really nothing more incredible than hearing something you wrote as part of such a sacred moment. That is the liturgist's high. I'm so blessed to be already experiencing it. I should post my prayer here, huh? I don't think I did that already. Perhaps another day when I'm not under the deadline for grading.

Even today John said that my Eucharist was really good and should be part of Rite III. That's high praise from a serious traditionalist. BTW he's been adding to his blog. You should check it out, especially if you have any opinions on the Matrix movies. He's got this totally different interpretation that I think really works but nobody seems to have thought of before. Plus, he'll engage commenters. What a guy. [link to the blog is over there in my blogroll - he's at video ut intellectum]

OK, I have to get off the computer because it's too hot to touch anymore, and with the cat happily snuggled by my leg something's gotta go.