Tuesday, May 09, 2006

High Anxiety

Sorry I've not been around. It's been high drama over here. Firstly we did a great birthday party. Lots of fun. Thanks to you who came. Especially you who brought presents. My kitchen feels truly pimped.

Then my cousin unexpectedly came into town and stayed with us last night. She's awesome. She works for a state assemblywoman and damn if she isn't actually getting good things done in the world. It's inspiring.

In the midst of all this J was chatting with a friend who'd recommended him to an acquaintance for a job. The class list came and all three sessions conflicted with plans: one with a class he's already teaching (so that's out), one with his parents' planned visit here, and the third with our planned visit to my family in the Midwest and our planned trip away just the two of us.

We managed to decide it was okay for him to work while his folks were here. But then he wanted to be all "fair" and said if he had to do that, then he should work during my family's time too. But the problem with that is that it means he doesn't go on the trip to their house (unlike with his parents coming here, in which case he still gets to see them). He bailed out of my last trip back there, and I swore I'd never go without him again.

But it was decent money, and schools aren't biting as much for this coming fall. He's nervous. We both are. The life of the adjunct is terribly stressful. No job security (and forget about stuff like health insurance). Since I don't have a job, it's kind of important for him to teach. A lot. Not the 12 classes he did last fall, but at least 3 is pretty much minimum to keep paying rent.

Anyway, we decided he should take the job. Then I was super depressed and we decided it wasn't worth the misery so he went back and turned down the job (just the one, he's still doing the middle one). But now he's super stressed because of the fall's bad prospects. And all I can think is how I can't believe how much our rent is, and should we move, and should I go back to work, and why couldn't I have gotten more scholarship money because I can't even afford to take a full class load this summer, and why is my damn required health insurance so freaking expensive??

This is the stress. It was kind of a lose-lose situation. Lose family, lose money. Lose opportunity to work (miraculous) or lose opportunity to meet niece and nephew (equally if not moreso). Yes, it's no fun. And it's all easy to be noble and say we made the right choice to go for family over money. But if in 6 months we're in debt because of it, I won't be thrilled. Of course, the couple grand he would have made wouldn't float us more than one extra month anyway. Don't ya just love that California cost of living?

Well if you hear of a cheap place to live or don't mind us moving into your garage, let me know.

Pray that he'll get a job. His little manly ego needs it, and I want him to feel good about providing for us. We're waiting on Biola to get their act together and tell him whether they can hire him. He has two classes lined up for them, but apparently they're having space issues so they're cutting back on how much they are offering. Ugh.

Okay, I've done way more personal revelation than anybody needed, so I'm going now.

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