Friday, January 28, 2005

Godly(?) Sex Talk

1. Baptist growing up; non-denominational and Episcopal through college (depended on the Sunday); none now

2. Christian sex conjures up an image of a passive, self-conscious and timid woman and an aggressive, horny man. Definite man-on-top imagery.

Or my mother talking about a movie she saw recently where it had some sexual scenes and she calling them "disgusting" which probably just means naked people and nothing truly disgusting. [Editorial Note: I am sick TO DEATH of my parents making "tut-tut" noises every time anyone uses the word sex or any anotomically correct name for a human organ. One morning I was watching The View of all things and so surely the talk wasn't that racy, and I remember dad saying "What is this?!" in that disapproving way they know what I'm talking about?? - Femmy]

Or artificial insemination so you don't have to get all "messy."

My wife and had sex early on....while we dated in college and many times guilt followed the act. Ironically, we stopped having sex when we became engaged. This was mutually decided upon and was based in our, for lack of our better understanding, Christian Ethics. For 18 months...well not in absolute terms...we snuffed the emotional urges through self-discipline. Would I do it over? Not sure....I am still weighing the pros and cons. On one hand, we improved our communication and focused on the sanctity of marriage. On the other hand, we disrupted the natural expression of sex....tainting/suppressing the spontaneity and essence of it.
[me again - I got to hear this story in person originally and I was so impressed at the insight he'd gained from the experience - the idea that it can really cause a rift in a couple's intimacy to suddenly stop having sex. I remember him saying something about it being "hard to get things back to where they were"...and I can vouch for that myself]

First, I was raised Baptist; am now quasi-pseudo-Presbyterian.

Now, first, Christian Sex conjures up a joke my friends and I came up with regarding youth group kids massaging one another at summer camp and how massaging becomes a sort of a physical outlet of sexual desires that's okay. Ha ha.

Secondly, Christian Sex seems to me non-existent. Let me explain. Christians who are not married aren't supposed to have sex (an idea, by the way, that I buy into and subscribe to wholly), but when people mess up by having sex with a loved one it becomes a totally awful thing, when in reality it is not an awful thing. Sure, they took it "too far," but everyone acts as though they should totally hate themselves and die, but maybe that should just signal to them that they may be ready for a deeper relationship, like, say, marriage? I don't know. I could
be full of it. But we've all heard stories about people who never kissed until the altar and them couldn't have sex with their partner, which led to serious problems.

I guess that leads to a third response, which is, why most Christians are totally weirded out by the idea of sex or procreation with their loved one. I knew a couple who couldn't tell the girl's dad they were pregnant. Why? Because that meant they had been having sex... and you can't tell your dad that no matter how long you've been married. What!? That's ridiculous, no? Isn't that what married people are supposed to do? I don't know. It just seems all hush-hush and quite frankly, I think that's horseshit, because it's like, God's gift to married people or whatever and it should be celebrated, somehow, I guess. But, I've never been married, so I don't know how it works.

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