Friday, April 18, 2008

What a week this has been!

I'm exhausted. Being the poster child for health care reform is overwhelming. But at least it's an election year so people are all the more aware of why our problem is a problem.

Then yesterday we took the car in and wound up with $1,500 in repairs and maintenance. All necessary stuff, but man, was that painful on top of the other financial stuff this week, the looming prospect of thousands in insurance costs that we weren't anticipating. I'm starting to wonder if we'll have any savings to live on in the fall after all. (oh well at least we'd qualify for medi-cal then)

Had a little breakdown over all that. It was just too much - after we've saved so carefully and really tried to plan everything so well. Just goes to show you that you can't possibly control your life. Which is fine. God's better at it anyway. Or at least She specializes in rescue from the crap situations.

So. Now tomorrow is my blood test. Am praying for miraculously low numbers, and then on Monday to be told I'm fine and can be released from specialized care. Then I'll happily go back to believing I'm a healthy pregnant woman, in touch with her body and able to listen to its unique needs. And hopefully I can get hands-off care, and have a hands-off labor and birth (if everything goes smoothly). Here's hoping.

At least there are many pleasant things to look forward to. We have not one but TWO lovely baby showers coming up, and on my birthday I'm going to a Buffy musical sing-a-long. Now that's a celebration! Also the time to hear about the fellowship is coming up. Oh, what a tremendous blessing that would be. I know it's a long shot, but I have to be hopeful. (the other night I watched "A Mighty Heart" about Marianne Pearl, and at one point she said she was hopeful because "I have to be. I'm a pregnant woman." Yeah, it's pretty hard not to be hopeful when you are carrying new life around inside of you)

And today I get to babysit for a few hours, just a little getting my feet wet. I imagine it will be quite different than babysitting has been in the past. It's really prep now! I'm lucky to have friends who are willing to let me do this, although quite honestly I'd feel better just making mistakes with my own poor girl.

Oh, and one other nice thing is that the house in Berkeley really does look like it could work. We just have to find someone or a couple to share it with. I put out the word to the admissions people at GTU, but I know others affiliated with those schools read this, so please let me know by email (see my profile) if you want me to send you my ad. I think it's a good deal, compared to the other stuff I've looked at in the city. It's not glamorous, but it's a good solid place that I think I'd be happy to live in for a while. So here's...yes...hoping.

Guess I'm feeling hopeful today. That's a much nicer way to approach life. Occasionally it will get overwhelming, can't help that. And it's especially hard when you have nothing else to think about but obsessing on your problems! I need some distraction. All you friends who've been talking to me about having coffee, let's do it!

But today's project is to write my birth plan, so I need to visualize and get into a very positive frame of mind. I think I'll go watch David Cook's performance again. That was pretty awesome. :)

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