Friday, May 20, 2005

Are we at all surprised?

So now it turns out that the reason I've heard nothing about this internship is because they can't decide what to do with me. They don't know if I would fit with their team. I'm liturgical, I'm well-trained and studied in theology of worship, and I'm really passionate. These are all things unique to me within this potential group of worship leaders.

I'm like some sort of pariah in the evangelical world. The things I hold dear are so terrifying. And the fact that I speak out about them, and don't allow people to settle, really bothers some. It really invigorates others. I want to do more of the latter, and find a way to love those in the former group.

I don't want to betray myself, but I can be more diplomatic in my approach. I hope that I have the opportunity to show that I can work well with these people, even if I am the odd woman out.

Most of all, I have what I feel is this great big gift that I'm dying to give to the seminary, if only they'll just accept it from me. But are they ready to go where I want to - where God could - take them?

We must be patient. Wait and see.

1 comment:

Mark Baker-Wright said...

"I don't want to betray myself, but I can be more diplomatic in my approach."

I'm pretty sure this is my problem about such things. I can be pretty opinionated, too. And I think it's pretty important to stand up for what I believe in. It seems to me that the trick is maintaining that integrity while allowing others to have different ideas. (Which isn't to be confused with your desire not to see them "settle" as you said, which is also fine.)

Would be nice, of course, if I were better at following such advice myself.

Anyway, keep praying. Hopefully the seminary powers-that-be can find a way to find a team that works well together while allowing for the myriad of worship styles and preferences present here (rather that the often criticized default of "too-Presbyterian," which I really don't think is true, but want to take seriously).