Last night I was having something of a problem, and I tried to go to bed but of course the voices in my head were having trouble shutting up.
And I began one of these prayers that's like God what am I...who am I...why am I...
And then the cat jumped up, stuck her face in mine, snuggled up and purred.
I don't know if it is God or if it is the cat. But their little lives put things in perspective, don't they? To be a being that simply loves...what a concept.
They have a sense of what is wrong in the air - it keeps them alive in the wild, and it puts them on the laps of those who'd rather not take them. And it brings them running when we send our little stress pheremones into the air.
Here's something I wrote about my cat that was actually published in the Fuller lit journal this year (although I personally don't think it's that great):
I sit with eyes closed
struggling to Be Still
But she is weaving through my legs.
I give up and allow her on my chest.
She approaches me
with so little understanding of who I am,
so much selfish desire,
such inability to communicate.
She loves me, but only for her own gain.
She trusts me, but only insofar as I care for her.
She comes to me, but only for her comfort and solace.
But then she looks up at me
and her purr rumbles in my chest
and she closes her eyes
pressing her head in my chin,
And I realize
that no matter how vast the chasm between our minds,
I live for these moments.
And I realize
that He does too.
Jen, that one was for you. Be inspired! (hope you're not a dog person)
ps. Cat who doesn't like to cover in the box just left me a present. Coincidence? I think not.
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Thanks, Feminarian, and how did you guess I was a cat person?
May this day be filled with even more gratuitous blessing!
I respectfully disagree with you. Cats come not just for love but to give love. For example, last year, after I'd finally put my very sick 12 year old cat to sleep, I'd sit on the sofa in the den and cry each night. My other cat,who is generally known for being aloof, came to sit with me every night for a week.
That said, I liked your poem and what it says about our relationship with God.
And then I read all of the Anonymous blogger's comments and felt apalled --please don't take my disagreement about cats as anything more than a difference of opinion. I don't want to add to your woes.
Thank you Joanna.
Yes, I know that cats give love. That's what the earlier part of the post was about (about them sensing when we need them), and also a post I wrote last week when the cat was walking all over the keyboard. My babies always come when I am upset. There's no disagreement at all between us.
That said, the poem was written during a moment when the cat was indeed being selfish, as you understand they can occasionally be. She's not always that way, but that day she was being a pest, and I wound up being able to relate to her in a new way.
Now I am having deja vu. I think I had this same conversation with a commenter before...I must have posted this poem before. I tell you, my brain is seriously fried.
I find it amazing that people wrestle with the same inner questions. Even in those moments, my own fluffy "bo" comes and rests on me while I meditate on what resting means. I laugh at my own feeble attempts to know God. I love that you are (I am guessing) for the priesthood! :)
Yeah for cats and cat people! I never really liked cats until my husband really wanted to get one, and now we have two. I couldn't imagine my life without them.
My bad. I reread your post.
My hubby thought he didn't like cats either until we got them. Now they are Daddy's girls.
People hate or love cats it seems, and if they are indifferent, they probably would love one if it came into their life.
I think a mark of a truly fine piece of art is that people love it or hate it - it must inspire strong emotions. So it goes with the feline species, I suppose.
Hear, hear for the cat-lovers! My husband and I were adopted by a cat about two years ago; she showed up at our door and stayed, although she had to sleep outside. My husband was indifferent to cats, but I knew he had been taken in when I caught him heating up a towel in the microwave for her b/c he was worried she'd get cold one evening :) We've now moved to a place where she can be indoors with us.
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