Dog days

Is that what you call these? I don't know. I've just found myself having to repeatedly reassure people lately that when I say I'm fine I really mean it. I must have a bad look about me. I've also, amusingly, found myself saying, "I just have to get through this week" for the last couple weeks. Well I suppose it's healthier to take life in little chunks than try to see everything at once.

I'm gaining weight yet again, which I didn't really think I could do, but there you have it. It's something about the fall and starting school and all that stress that goes with it. Some days I think it's not worth worrying about, I can lose weight after graduate school, and I shouldn't starve myself now. But other days I think I might put on more weight than I can lose. And it's a health issue any more. That, and a money issue - I can't afford to keep buying new, bigger clothes. So it would really be better to drop a couple sizes so I fit into the majority of what's in my closet. But I honestly can't figure out how. And I'm becoming one of those people who's always on a diet, and I'm even trying fad diets, which absolutely disgusts me about myself. I'm learning the American way of "managing" weight. Ugh, it's awful.

I did learn a good thing in church on Sunday about the parable of the talents...instead of thinking that the wicked lazy slave is somehow a victim, think of him as a person who was simply afraid. He didn't need to be afraid, and that's what God/the master was chiding him about. I know, it goes along with the risk-taking aspect that I had already been told about. For some reason, though, the idea that his "sin" (which probably isn't even the right word - his failing? Mistake? Flaw?) was his fear. Thus, we trust in God, we don't have to worry about our little being taken from us and given to someone richer (because even if it is, so what?), and we don't have to worry about being cast out of the master's joy (because he won't do that). There. Problem solved. I wish all sermons helped me with my questions so neatly.

Another gem: at offering time, the kid behind me asks his mom, "Is this a tip?"

So yeah, I'm just really tired. And getting sick, or already sick, just coughing all night and feeling scratchy-throated and sore and tired. Too much sneezing, too. Probably just a cold. I'm so ready for the end of the quarter. It's to that point where it's not fun any more, and I just want it over with. It's to that point where you don't even want to register for next quarter's classes, because you know you'll inevitably hit these doldrums again. I'm tired, man. School's making me so tired.